Get Out Of Your Own Way

       So on Wednesday night my boyfriend and I went to a concert I'd really been wanting to go to for a while. Some of you may have heard of him...Mac Miller. Here's this 19 year old white kid who made YouTube videos to his songs he would record in his friend's basement. He got so many views that bloggers started writing about him, people starting subscribing to him online and now he's touring the world. And he's touring it without a record deal. This independent artist is calling the shots, making his own moves, and doing it all with his friends and his OWN crew of people. And just 2 months ago, with the help of Twitter and Facebook, he marketed his album so well that it hit number 1 on the Billboard charts...The first time an independent artist hit number one in the last 16 years. Whether you like his music or not, you have to respect the kid’s ambition. So, writing music, having your best friends standing on stage with you at every show, reaching millions of people, and being able to hear a large crowd singing the lyrics to your songs..all without restrictions, without someone telling you you need to, without any deadlines, or contracts. Talk about a life. And a life that I WANT.

       We arrived at House of Blues in Atlantic City around 7 PM. Once the doors opened, we found our way to a decent spot within a nice distance of the stage. I was grateful, considering I am barely 5'1 and I could actually see the stage. Despite drunken idiots almost falling over on us, weed smokers blowing smoke in our faces, and the occasional asshole trying to "excuse" his way in front of you so he could see better...we had a good time. Although, considering my boyfriend and I both have no tolerance for people being inappropriate, we were capable of keeping each other calm in the midst of people pulling at our last nerves. Nothing like two sober "don't take shit from anyone" people standing right in the middle of a sea of drunks.

       Once 9 PM hit, we heard people coming out on stage, but we were fooled. It was not Mac Miller, it was two dudes that were about to make our ears bleed. Two guys (one with a beanie on that said "Ape") rapped several songs that consisted of screaming one word into the microphone over and over and over. "BASS! BASS! BASS! BASS! HANDS! HANDS! HANDS!" we heard, with the occasional "click-clack" noise of a gun that the DJ would mix in. Anyone who knows my passion for my music can envision the look on my face. I was immediately filled with anger, resentment, jealousy, and somewhat humor. I looked back at my boyfriend and luckily he could read my lips: "Seriously?!" I mouthed to him as he rolled his eyes. He believes in me and appreciates my songs, so he too understood my bewilderment.

       I sincerely do not mean to be a hater but when you do certain music and then you hear someone giving it a bad name, butchering it, or totally being a talent-less smuck...you feel annoyed. Not only that but most importantly, I felt more so than ever "if THEY can do it, I can do it". . .So I stood there, cracking jokes about them and drinking my invisible bottle of justified haterade. Soon, the group was off stage and we impatiently awaited for Mac Miller to come on.

       As the curtains opened and one of my favorite songs "Best Day Ever" began...I was so excited. I grabbed my boyfriend's hand and was singing every lyric so loud that you could hear me over everyone surrounding us. As the concert went on and the heat in the room rose, my black long-sleeve shirt was now tied around my waist (thank God I wore a tank-top underneath), weed smoke filled the air, and both of our lungs hurt already. We suddenly looked at each other and realized "box seats next time". We were getting a little too old for the general admission tickets.

       Despite this realization, we continued to enjoy the concert. Mac sang a lot of our favorite songs, he even pulled out his guitar and played a Sublime song as we all sang along. At one point he stopped the music and went on to say that "Dreams come true". While he explained his journey of going from a no one to a someone and now being able to perform for us on the stage he stood on...I was touched. Call it corny, but I felt an overwhelming inspiration. I felt filled with light and possibility. And I remembered again, if those two idiots screaming one word for 3 minutes could somehow, some way, make it far enough to open for Mac...than why couldn't I do something similar? Or at the very least, why shouldn't I at least TRY?

       Before you knew it Mac was finishing the night on one of his biggest songs. "Hopefully, I'll be at the top soon...for now I'm at my house, on the couch, watching cartoons..." As the lights went out, the cheers rumbled the room. And as we quickly headed for the exit, I couldn't stop thinking to myself: "I. Want. To. Do. That."

       So maybe I'm over-achieving, maybe I'm biting off more than I can chew, maybe I'm reaching too high in the stars, maybe I'm getting my own hopes too high, maybe I'm expecting too much, maybe I'm not being people's version of "realistic". But why should I stop? Why should I throw my arms up and say "Oh well, too high of a goal" or "I'll just give it up, it's not "realistic" enough?" Do you think Mac Miller did that? No. Even those 2 idiots barely getting through a song before he came on probably believe in themselves enough that they created an opportunity to open up at a sold out show at the House of Blues. And it's not like I don't have the resources. I have the friends who are kind enough to send me instrumentals, I have the microphone, the studio headphones, the writing abilities, the passion, the voice, the access to studios and talented people, and call me cocky, but I know I have the talent. I will keep making songs, I will work on ensuring I have some legit music videos to post on YouTube in this coming year, I will find more people to collaborate with, I will promote myself, I will keep writing, I will keep singing, I will keep rapping, I will keep my hopes high, and I will believe in my passions in life. If we don't believe in what we love to do...than I ask, what is truly the point? Even if we don’t wind up fully making it exactly where we may have hoped, we can feel confident that our dreams are active in our lives. Even if I do stay at a 9 to 5 for the remainder of my life, I'll still have music to show my friends and friends of friends...I'll still have songs to work on in my spare time, I'll still have this blog for people to read,  I'll still have passion, and I'll never be able to say that my dreams aren't a part of my daily life. And THAT my friends, is the true point. Although we may not always make it precisely to where we want to go, we will never stand a chance if we don't actively pursue it.

       In a world where sometimes dreams come to die, you must fight to keep yours very much alive. And it's very true, the only real person in your way...is yourself. Don’t let your own self doubts stagger your growth. Don't live by anyone else's standards or expectations but your own. And no matter what, TRY.

       You want to write a book? Write it. You want to build an invention? Do it. You want to find that dream job? Start applying. You want to make music? Start singing. You want to play guitar? Teach yourself. You want to reach people? Start a blog. You want to follow your dreams? Start now. 

       So no matter how large or small of a goal, clear a path toward it, start walking, and get the hell out of your own way.

Social NotWorking

       So in the midst of doing some research early this morning, I came across this article disclosing that a study from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that Facebook & social networking sites have been linked to divorces in America. 66% of divorces to be exact. And I'd love to say that I was shocked, but I wasn't whatsoever. 

       My first thought was perhaps these were "older" folks, who didn't have the luxury we had to somewhat "grow up" with social networking. And it is possible that due to their lack of experience, knowledge, and understanding of these sites, they fell victim to their sometimes overwhelming bullshit. With that said, then I wondered, just because we are more well-versed on these mediums does that make us invincible to their potential harm? 

       I have one too many friends, guy or girl, (and I'm sure you have too) that have been upset at something they see on Facebook, Twitter, etc. And hey, I'm no saint. I've had my ass chapped a time or two in my day. But in reality, what's it all worth?

       So let's take a look. People mainly would say "It's just Facebook, not a big deal", "not worth it", etc. And these folks have a very valid point here. But on the flip side, why should anyone have to deal with any of it to begin with? In all reality, you can be in a successful relationship and not piss your partner off because of something on Facebook. It IS possible ya know. We all know people in relationships with the knowledge of what sites like Facebook do to people/relationships and yet, they still put themselves in these positions.

Do you really need to 'like' that random dudes picture from college where he's dressed up to go out?

Do you really need to remain 'friends' with your ex's family?

Do you really need to have 1,789 friends on your page?

Do you really need to 'like', 'comment', 'message' on anything or anyone remotely related to a person you not so long ago dated?

Do you really need to "follow" some half-naked wanna be famous broad or dude on your Twitter page?

Do you really need to stay connected with certain people who have no real value or relevance to your current life or relationship?

       If you are in a serious and committed relationship, the answer to ALL of these questions should very easily be 'No'.

       So now you see it from the flip side. Yes, it's not a big deal...but maybe it is a big deal that some of you don't notice your capabilities to decrease the level of annoyance, if not erase it completely. It is within OUR power to allow people into our social networking life. We chose to interact, we chose to "follow", we chose to 'like' or 'comment', we chose to befriend someone or deny their request. It is our very own doing. And perhaps your significant other isn't thrilled with your part of the deal. Sounds a bit more clear now doesn't it?

       Considering I've heard of many situations of this nature and I’m sure we all have an understanding of it in the age we are growing up in...I felt it deemed some relevance in this entry. And I'm not saying that your past relationships don't shape you or that they weren’t a part of your life. I'm not even saying that some people don't remain somewhat friendly with their ex (although I’ve never heard of their current partner jumping for joy). But usually in the grand scheme of life, there comes a time and a place to close some doors and cut some ties. The past is the past for a reason, and it’s usually a good one. So if certain people from your past or certain people who aren't a value to your future are still lurking around...we should make the decision to actively detach ourselves.

       We live in a world of constant connection. And I'm not talking only sites like Facebook and Twitter...not only can people text and email much easier and faster now, but even applications like FourSquare and HeyTell can give you access to message someone without anyone even knowing about it. Hell, even the gaming center on your iPhone freely serves up your email address for people to contact you.

       And trust is key. Yes, we trust our partners don't we? But from a lot of the people I've seen in these situations, and from my analysis as well, I think it is the worry of having to trust other people...strangers..friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, people with certain applications, emails, texts, phone numbers. AHHHH social media connection OVERLOAD.

       With all the 'likes', 'follows', 'messages', ‘photos’, 'chats', 'comments', 'emails', 'texts', 'pokes', ‘subscriptions’, 'friends', ‘statuses’, ‘tweets’ and 'networking' going on, I ask...will our relationships survive?

       If people who have devoted their life to each other in marriage have had social media be the culprit to their problems...how the hell are we safe? Mark Zuckerberg is probably sitting back on a yacht somewhere throwing his billions in the air as he chuckles to himself from the mania he has caused.

       If your single, great. But if you are in a serious relationship, engaged to be married, living together, already married, about to have kids, or anything of the like...it's never too late to make some strides to ensure your relationship will stand the test of time. And trust me, there is a decent amount of time to stand.

       Facebook. Twitter. Blaa Blaa Blaa. What purpose does it REALLY serve us? Ok, I'll give you a second to think about it.....NOTHING. Seeing a bunch of pointless photos from the kid you talked to once in high school, what event your ex from college is attending this weekend, what sarcastic remark your friend has about the football game last night or a complete album dedicated to babies drooling doesn't benefit anyone...and certainly doesn't benefit your relationship. So why are we fighting so hard to hold onto it?

       Your REAL friends will know your phone number to contact you. You don't need Facebook to stay in touch. These sites are evil in the fact that everything you do, say, or interact with is judged by others. And not only judged but I think more importantly, it is all constantly open to interpretation. Your partner, or anyone else for that matter, doesn’t really understand all the intent in certain things, the background story, or the updates. The interpretation and curiosity is what fuels many arguments in this arena. Shit, even companies won’t hire you for your immature profile picture or the fact you ‘liked’ the “Big Tits In America” group. 

       Hey, no one is perfect. Shit happens. But if it takes completely deleting your otherwise irrelevant account or at the very least deleting or unfollowing people off your page until you’re down to 100 REAL friends, blocking certain stalkers or people of concern, deleting photos, detagging yourself, ensuring your privacy settings are at their most effective and perhaps not logging on as much...to keep your relationship protected of pointless harm, why wouldn’t you do it?

       And I’m not saying we all need to never use any of these mediums again for the rest of our lives, but we could all use some awakening on this topic and each individual knows what is best for them and their relationships. But our relationships and our futures are more important than any social media. It’s sad that’s even a sentence written out in this blog, but times have changed and in turn, so have our ways of connecting to people. Apparently it is worthy of discussing, given that people are throwing in the towel in their long-term relationships and even marriages, with this being one of the reasons to blame.

       Ya know how a lot of people say you need to “Stay Connected”...well I say you should always stay a bit disconnected. If you want a successful future let’s make some effective decisions all around. Shut some long overdue open doors, turn over some new leaves, close some chapters in our book, and do the right things. The future of our relationships and marriages depend on it.

       So, don’t “like” it...enjoy it.

       Don’t “post” something...say something.

       Don’t “send a message”...make a phone call.

       Don’t read a “newsfeed”...read a book.

       Don’t  “share” a story...be a part of one.

       Don’t “subscribe” to a person...subscribe to a blog.

       Don’t “change a picture”...change a life.

       Don’t “follow”...lead.

       And don’t “tweet” about it......BE ABOUT IT.

The Lives We Lead

       So in honor of the fact that Thanksgiving day was yesterday, I got to thinking about what I am thankful for...and not only this year, but in general at this point in my life. After-all, is it not the perfect time to reflect on the things you are grateful to have in your life?

Family is forever.

       Although my family is on the smaller side and somewhat separated after my parents’ divorce years back...I don't know what I'd do without them. Whether you get to see them a lot or you don’t get around to meeting up with them too often...just knowing you have your family there is always a blessing. It is a group of people that will always support you, be there for you, and come running in a time of need. Not only that, but you know they aren't going anywhere. Unlike some other people who are subject to come and go in your life, no matter what, your family will always be there. And I am very thankful to have them and their endless support.

A very significant other.

       Well for any of you who may have read "The Ninth Cloud" entry, than you already know my happiness in this department. I give many a thanks to having the wonderful boyfriend that I do. From the moment we started talking, we just knew...our search for the "perfect one" could finally come to a screeching halt.

       I am truly thankful that we have gone from our first days of dating, to our first kiss, to meeting the parents, to falling in love, to moving into our very own place, to being able to watch our relationship grow and blossom into the beauty that it is today. My boyfriend...I thank you for your constant support of my goals and dreams, for encouraging my talents in music and writing, for your never-ending understanding and forgiveness, and for always giving effort in our relationship, everyday. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, your romance, your intelligence, your patience, and your unconditional love.

       To the person who somehow knows how to put a smile on my face on the worst days, who reminds me not to give up when the tough times come, who truly is my best friend, and who laughs loud with me at 2 in the morning. To the person who respects me, who remembers what I say, who knows what I'm thinking without a word being said, and who has genuinely and beautifully shown me that my traits are appreciated and loved...on this year in particular, I am forever thankful that I will always have you to hold my hand.

We all get by, with a little help from our friends.

       My parents used to always warn me in high school that your friends will "come and go" and only a real good few will remain. I found this to turn out to be very truthful. Not only have friends I used to have for years slowly fade out of my life, but I have had just as many great ones that came shining in. And I am thankful for my friends back home that still keep in touch and never let me forget that they will be there.

       And college was not only one of the greatest times of my life, but I met some of the best people in the world. Not everyone is lucky enough to gain an entire "home away from home" family at college. I am thankful that I did. And although we may not see each other often, I know I can call any of them up and we could pick up right where we left off. Thank you to all my WVU family for making 4 years of my life very amazing, for giving me some of the funniest, craziest, most memorable memories, for teaching me many lessons, and for always making sure I got home safe on a Saturday night.

       I’ve also gained friendships from the most unexpected places, and I am thankful for that too. And although the amount of true and close friends has come to be few. Those few are solid and trustworthy. So to all of my friends, thank you for being there to laugh with me, for staying up late hours listening to my banter, for hearing my problems and caring, for telling me I need to change those shoes I picked out, for reminding me to shut up at times, for cheering me on, for rooting for me, for staying in touch, for all of your support, for being beautiful, for being unique, and for being (and staying) friends with me. :)

Flaws and all.

       I know it sounds weird to be thankful for my flaws, but really, if you think about it, without our flaws...how would we ever learn? So I am thankful for being flawed (as we ALL are). Without them, I would never grow, I would never learn, and I would never be able to continue to mature in my life. No one is perfect...so with that being said, let’s embrace our imperfections. They help shape our lives and build our ever-growing character. Also, once in a while it’s nice to remember that we always have opportunities to change, improve our lives, and better ourselves.

A little passion goes a long way.

       I have to say that I am thankful for the passion I have in my hobbies, talents, and goals. I have spend a lot of this year finding myself and realized this blog and my music have been a large part of my life lately. Not only that, but I find a great deal of happiness, accomplishment, and enlightenment in them. I constantly find myself preaching to others to "follow your dreams" or at least keep them in your life. Whatever it is you love to do...make sure you keep doing it, and do it with passion. Everyone has a dream, so be thankful you have one, and even more so...make sure you are passionate about keeping it alive.

The fall-backs and comebacks.

       Our lives are filled with both our fall-backs and failures and our comebacks and successes. Without either, we couldn't truly learn to appreciate the other. Without these experiences, both good and bad, what would shape our lives?

       Let's be thankful for the times we were at our rock bottom and climbed our way back up, for the mistakes that have made us strong and tough and have given us a list of "never agains". And let's be thankful for our successes we have achieved. I am thankful for all of my successes and failures, my fall-backs and comebacks, my rights and my wrongs. Whether it was the right thing or the wrong thing at whatever place and time, I ended up where I am now...and I'll admit, it's a pretty good place to be.

       So be thankful for your family, for your friends, be thankful for your significant other, for your passion and dreams, and for your fall-backs & comebacks. Give thanks....give love to others, give hope, give opportunity, give back, give people a second chance, give effort in your life, give it your all, give it your best...and once and a while, give yourself a break.

       Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. To many more years, many more memories, and many more successes...to be thankful for. <3

       For the lives we lead may pass us by, if we don't take a moment to appreciate them.

Dependent on Independence

       Today I was thinking of independence.  Just the general idea of how people strive to be independent in their lives. I find this to be a great trait. Everyone should want to stand on their own two feet and be able to do things for themselves.

       At the same time though, have we grown to think of accepting help from others to be a sign of “weakness”? Have we become dependent on independence? Whether it’s emotionally, physically, or financially...this struggle seems to be present. 

       Some guys are raised on the notion that if they cry, they aren’t “being a man”...that they seem weak. Trust me, I know of guys who have probably never shed a tear in their life. Talk about suppression. Or the girl who lives in fear that she’s being perceived as too emotional when she has a good cry. 

       We’ve all known or heard of someone who might be a little too old to do certain things for themselves and may feel bad for the family member needing to take care of them. A person who might have gotten in a serious accident and needs help walking, eating, showering, etc. Or have you ever had to ask your relatives or a loved one to loan you some money? We feel somewhat ashamed don’t we? We feel belittled.

       All of these people are not only frustrated with their situation at hand...but the real underlying fact is that they have suddenly moved from being independent to dependent upon someone. Whether you become emotionally dependent when you’re having a rough day and just need someone’s affection, physically dependent when something serious happens to you and you wouldn’t be able to manage without the assistance of someone else, or financially dependent when our lives of bills, payments, rent, and daily responsibilities happens to be kicking us in the ass lately.

       Yes, independence is a wonderful thing. But if anyone has a belief that they will coast through life never needing anyone’s attention and never needing anyone’s help...well at one point or even several points in their life, they will be proven terribly wrong. Life is crazy. We all know it and we’ve all come to terms with that. Without people we wouldn’t have made it through our childhood. We needed our parents to change our diapers and our little friends to color with us. Without people we wouldn’t have made it through high school. We needed our teachers to teach us & our friends to give us the answers to the test we didn’t study for. Without people we wouldn’t have made it through college. We needed someone to carry us home from a long night of binge drinking, save us from the crazy homeless man on the corner street, and pay for our 7 beers we ordered that we didn’t have money for. Without people we wouldn’t make it through work. We need our co-worker to fill in for us on our sick day & keep us up to date. And even later on in life, your family, your friends, your significant other or spouse...what would we do without them?

       Without them who would we bitch about our bad week to? Who would we laugh with? Who would we make memories with? Who would be there to carry you if you couldn’t walk again? Who would be there if you were buried in your bills? Who would be there to hold you while you cried?

       Think of all the times you’ve helped someone in this way. Did you mind? Because more times than not, I’m sure you were happy to do so. So just don’t forget that when you’re on the other end of the deal.

       Admit it, we’ve been depending upon people since the day we were born. It is the way of the world. So yes, be independent but do not feel ashamed to ask for help, to need someone’s help, and to receive someone’s help. We all need a shoulder to cry on, someone to take care of us in a time in need, and someone to help pay that unexpected bill you may not be able to pay for this month.

       If you need to depend on someone, do not feel ashamed and do not feel weak. Anyone who knows you knows you stand on your own two feet all year round and if there is a day or two that you need help, than accept the kind gesture and keep it moving.

       Remember, depending on others is part of life and a part of living. Make sure those in your life can depend on you for help....just don’t kick yourself in the ass when you’re the one needing it.

The Single Standard

       Before you begin reading, I just want to clarify that I simply felt this topic deserved some "airing out" if you will. This isn't a worldwide plea for women's rights or a sudden announcement that I've become sexist. I just do believe it is time we address this to set the record straight. I usually make it a point to be neutral in my writings, because that is how I am. But I had to (for once) have an entry that reflects the female point of view on some things. I am a female, after-all. So guys here's the deal: You can think I'm being sexist and not get anything from this (which proves you more than likely fall into one of these types described below), you can think "Wow, I'm ahead of the game" in realization that you are not one of these types, & for those of you falling somewhere in the middle...well, than I'll say 'you're welcome' in advance for the heads-up advice on females you are about to receive. 

      So I was overhearing one of my guy friends speak of a bachelor party the other night over dinner and he was asked with enthusiasm "So, did you see strippers or what!?" Although surprisingly, it turned out to just be a fun guys night out with no strippers...this little conversation that I'm sure so many of us have been a part of really got me thinking.

       Guys and girls, yes we are different...but why should our standards be? 

       Let's look at all the things I've come to collect from most guys that is considered "cool", "acceptable", "okay", and given the green light:

Strippers, strip clubs, and bachelor parties

       If a girl partakes in going to see a bunch of guys in banana hammocks swinging their johnsons in their face all night, I'd doubt their boyfriend/fiance/husband would be jumping for joy in his overwhelming excitement. Also, to some people she may even seem classless, dirty, and kind of "wild"? Yeah, go figure. Yet, guys consider this to be totally fine in their arena. Believe it or not, I believe you come off equally as classless. And as far as hiring a stripper for your boy & husband-to-be...way to respect the fact he's devoting himself to the love of his life within the next of couple days. Good job. "Oh, you just HAVE to have G-strings and asses and tits in your face all while being under the influence of massive amounts of alcohol (and God knows what else) before you get married. It's just a MUST." As far as all that crap goes...and the fact that it's looked at as your "last night of freedom" so you have to have trashy hookers in your hotel suite seems juvenile. The days before you're wedding should never be looked at as "your last days of freedom" it should be looked at as the few days before your wedding.

Pictures of half-naked girls all over your walls, computer backgrounds, and cell phones

       First of all, most guys probably don't even know what this means for a girl to do it, because most of us don't. Surprisingly, we  actually don't need to have a constant reminder to anyone else coming into our house, logging into our computer, or using our phone to know we like the opposite sex. I wonder why guys even do that? I doubt you're really sitting in your kitchen whacking off to the picture of the half-naked Bud Light girl hanging above your sink. Do you do it because you think other guys think it's "cool"? Because you SHOULD be more interested in impressing your potential next lady with charm and respect. Any girl who walks in is going to think you're a typical douche & also think you somehow forgot to throw away your old college decor. Two words: Grow up.

Porn, fake boobs, and barbie doll look-a-like fanatics

       This one is going to chap some of your asses but that's what I'm here for. I'm not saying that porn isn't something everyone's dabble with or that some of you do not enjoy. And hey, if you enjoy it together that's one thing. But let me be clear in saying, if you are single and particularly lonely, by no means am I charging you with any crime for doing what you think may help you in the mean time. This section is more for guys who have a woman in their life...aka the REAL thing. What in God's name are you doing? Are you that sex-hungry, typical, and creepy that you just can't bare waiting for your sexy girl to come home and have the real life thing? If so, please remain single and spare us your bullshit..Thanks. Any guy in a relationship who is obsessed with fake boobs and porn-star look a likes please help me understand why you aren't working as a camera guy on set than? Because you serve no purpose in the real world. Any guy who cares more about your boob-size than how you treat him is just as fake as the silicone in Pamela Anderson's chest. These types of guys couldn't have a real, intellectual, in-depth conversation to save their boob-obsessed lives, move on. 

The more people you sleep with, the cooler you are

       This one's the classic argument of girls being sluts if they sleep around & guys getting a congratulatory slap on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you've heard this a million times but I can't leave this one out so deal with it. Plain and simple on this one...Obviously, if you sleep with like 10 people in the same night you're a slut...female or male. If you are single, living your life, and you contribute to the wellness of society with a job and a working brain, you can damn right do whatever you please. Ladies, we shouldn't feel ashamed because we hook up with attractive people. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Funny how if you are "experienced" some look at you as a whore & if you aren't than you're called a prude. Oh how ironic isn't it? Listen, if a guy's got a problem that you've had some sex before or wants to make rude comments about it...tell him that his ego, pride and insecurities will be the death of any future relationship he will ever attempt having.

Commenting on and blatantly looking at other females

       So you're out at a bar and you just LOVE when you're boyfriend or husband turns and stares at the girl's ass who walks by. Or he decides to turn to his friend while you're sitting there right next to him, and say something like "Wow, look at her." Sounds like a tip-top night, right? Wrong. Before any of you jump down my throat, I'm not saying no one is allowed to look or that you're never going to think someone of the opposite sex is attractive blah blah blah. But really? I love the guys who go with the "Oh...well my girl can join in and enjoy it...gibberish gibberish gibberish." I bet most of these guys with this defense are more than likely single and if they aren't, whoever is dating you should do better for herself and find someone who has some more respect for conversation around her. And hey, if you're dating a girl who enjoys that shit than good for you. My advice would be to hold on for dear life because I can assure you most of the normal human race doesn't really appreciate it. And as a heads up, I know the ladies are kinda tired of you drooling over whatever touched-up airbrushed actress, singer, athlete, or model is on TV. You want to do that?...Than don't complain when we take 2 hours getting ready for you. Listen, if you need to constantly check out, drool over, or comment on other girls, please don't DATE one.

       And in the midst of analyzing all of this, it hit me! Since the beginning of time, so many of the guys have brushed all of these things off and slapped a big "No problem, it's okay" sticker on it. And here we are generations later and it seems this is just acceptable and no big deal? The fuck? Ladies, sorry to inform you, but the men have pulled a fast one on us.

       Again, don't kill the messenger. I am just stating the obvious folks. I analyze...it's my job for this blog. So it's time to do away with the whole "double standard" and all that goes along with it. To the men who prove these double standards wrong, a sincere thank you from us ladies. And for any of you who think it still applies, know this: The standard is now single...and you should be too.

Beware the Bucket-Drainer

       A few months back I had an "off-site meeting" for work. What this means is that everyone goes to this nice building somewhere, drinks coffee, has pasta for lunch, and does an array of mind-numbing "team building" activities. Not to be a grinch but unless you're planning on becoming the CEO of the company, these meetings really do not hold any value to you. You sit quietly as you hear about the company's mission statement, about what's new in the department, business news, and a bunch of other really exciting topics. It reminds me of how I can't stop searching for a new, more interesting, job and never give up on my music or this growing blog. Anyway, my point of mentioning this is there was one good thing about this off-site meeting. We all received this book called "How Full Is Your Bucket?"

       Although the book's focus is around how to keep morale high in companies, the main concept is about a theory that we each have a "bucket" and everyday, every interaction we engage in, every person we speak to...either helps fill up our bucket or empty it.

       The theory analyzes the power of human interaction and how your mood and day can really be impacted by other people. A simple compliment on your outfit, a congrats on your recent accomplishment, or a sincere thank you for your hard work, can really alter your mood.

       Although the book mainly applies this theory to the workplace environment, I've coined this "bucket" theory and include the idea into my daily life. Now, there are two different types of people you will encounter on a daily basis: A bucket-filler and a bucket-drainer.

       The almighty bucket-filler:

       The person complimenting you, the person who smiles and says "hello" as you walk passed each other in the cereal aisle at the grocery store. The person who went out of their way to e-mail your manager at work to tell him you're a delight to work with. The person who let you merge into the lane during heavy 5 o'clock traffic. The person who gives you credit when credit is due, and the obvious...people who support you, cheer you on, believe in you, help you, are there for you, who love you and care about you.

       And it is very important to note that your bucket level doesn't always depend on direct interactions toward you. The way a person speaks or the topics they chose to discuss in your presence play a huge role in the well-being of your bucket. Being around people who constantly have mean things to speak of or puts people down, does a great deal on emptying your bucket. Which brings us to our second type of person...

       Beware of the bucket-drainer:

       The person who ALWAYS complains, the "negative Nancy", the person who never smiles at work. The person who doesn't hold the door for you entering the building even though they saw you behind them, the person who never has anything nice to say, and the obvious...people who hate on you, go against you, who don't believe in you or care for your well-being.

       And also beware of shady conversations. Having to listen to a 20-minute conversation about why someone doesn't like people of a certain race, overhearing someone bashing their significant other, or constantly hearing someone complain about their life are all types of things that, low and behold, will drain your bucket. Hey, we all have our days when we need a "bitching break". But I'm talking about a personality type, not the normal, occasional, negative thinking. I'm speaking of a true bucket-drainer here.

       And I wont leave out the fact that some people may have reasons for being this way. Maybe they grew up a certain way, maybe the were raised a certain way, maybe they had their heart broken or they hate their job. Maybe they lost an opportunity or perhaps they were sheltered as a kid.

       Despite any of these reasons, I tent to not have sympathy or understanding for these types of people. We all have our problems, issues, were raised a certain way, seen some shit, done some shit, and been through some shit. Does that give us all an excuse to go around town draining the life out of everyone else?!

       I have realized that when I was younger I used to not know how important people's vibes really were in one's life. We usually tend to try to not be rude, for the most part. So we let things slide and we sometimes try to overlook people's pointless, negative topics of conversation. Trust me, whether you realize it or not, you usually walk away with some, if not all, of your positivity drained out of you. Not only that, but I've had to listen to people being racist, arrogant, rude, or constantly sarcastic, and have walked away feeling damn right pissed off!

       As I've gotten older I've realized the importance of good-hearted people, intelligent people, positive people, and people who have something of substance to discuss. I have come to acknowledge that having "bucket-drainers" in your life is not worth it. If it's family, than I understand its hard to avoid that. But if it's someone else, you should choose to limit your interaction with them. Whether it's school, work, or just life in general, keep your bucket-drainers out of your life, or at least to a bare minimum.

       So keep this "bucket" theory in mind. Not only is it important to the well-being of your life on a daily basis, but from what I've observed, it holds a lot of truth. Also, don't forget to look at yourself...Are you a bucket-filler or bucket-drainer?

       Remember, filling other people's buckets helps fill yours! So next time someone compliments you, helps you out, or does something nice for you...don't forget to thank them for filling your bucket. And next time you're sitting at dinner or out with friends having to deal with listening to someone speaking inappropriate, offensive, or rude...know that it's your choice to be around the right people. Surround yourself with good people who will enrich your life instead of draining your positivity!

       So next time you're in an off-mood, not feeling so hot, or feeling a bit down...take a look and observe the people who you have surrounding you and ask yourself "How full is my bucket?”

"Life of an Unknown" song

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Standing Room Only

Everyone on your feet! It's time for a standing ovation....for yourself.

I'd like you all to take a moment and think of a time where you should have stood up for yourself or things you believe in, and didn't. Whether it was to "be nice", to "not cause a scene", to "not upset anyone", to "not seem feisty", or whatever other reason...you didn't speak up.

Well I must say, my goal here is not to turn anyone into a raging idiot that screams at the next person that disagrees with them. But I am here to let you know, it IS okay to speak your mind. For my fellow "speak-your-minders" I applaud you...grab yourself a nice cold beer and sit back and relax on this one.

Everyday we make choices, good and bad, large or small...choices are made every minute of our day. It can start as early as when your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you're like me, deciding whether or not to press the snooze button. While you're in the shower deciding how hot to turn the water up to, what outfit to wear, whether or not to go get gas (even though you're almost on E), and you get the idea. Well when people come into the mix, our choices get even more complex and complicated at times. People agreeing or disagreeing, speaking of topics you may love or some you might despise, laughing or crying, happy or sad, mean or rude, and the list continues on and on. 

How do we deal with these things? Well, we all have our methods. And I will tell you a little bit about mine.

Many people I know and love, and many people I've had the chance to just meet in passing, have been kind and honest enough to tell me I'm one of the most relatable, down-to-earth people they have ever met. And no, I'm not taking this as an opportunity to feed my ego. Don't kill the messenger. But we all know the qualities we get complimented on the most, come on.

I'm usually told that I'm "easy to talk to" and a lot of people tell me that they “feel they’ve known me for years.” I mean, I've always been good with people in general. I perceive people well, I can usually tell what type of personality you have within talking to you for 3 minutes. I can talk to absolutely anyone, I adjust and can be like a chameleon in any environment...I change my colors and blend right in. I can always find a way to relate to people. I've always been a friendly, out-going, fun-loving type of gal. I was never embarrassed easily, and I'm still not. I don't mind being the center of attention and I also don't mind sitting in the shadows. I'm good with it all and I love all types of people. Probably one of the main reasons I got my degree in Public Relations and got my minor degree in Communications. The love of communicating and being around people. Good people, specifically.

Since I was young, I was expressive, passionate, and very open to speaking my mind. And since I'm never shy and never closed off in front of people...it has been both a burden and a blessing, to have the ability to speak freely and passionately about absolutely anything I feel necessary, without reservation.

So as far as those daily decisions we discussed earlier...I always have, and still do, opt into speaking up instead of staying quiet.

In high school I always talked shit back to anyone trying to bother me, I always walked with my head held high no matter what was going on in my life. In college, I told several people to fuck off when trying to ruin my night, never hesitated to put the drunk “I’m going to slyly try to touch your butt” guy at the bar sternly in his place, and forget about anyone trying to mess with any of my WVU fam...we would protect each other like siblings and squash you like an insect. Ehh, blame it on the fact I never had an older brother.

But in all seriousness, I'm just genuinely not scared of anyone, I'm not scared to tell someone they are wrong, or that I disagree, or that they are being rude. Why should we all sit there and be quiet? And that doesn't mean I'm trying to fight people everyday of my life, I'm just saying that there is nothing wrong with voicing your opinions, standing up for what you believe in, and being open. And perhaps that'll lead to a punch in my face, but it hasn't happened yet...and anyone who knows me knows I can take a swift punch to the face as well as any other. So bring it. This isn't Sunday school or your local public library. Let's speak the hell up.

And trust me, you will not always get a good response. Some people will hate you for being that way, they'll sum you up to be argumentative, to be a hot head, or write you off as the “Great Debater”. But whatever. Everyone has an opinion and unfortunately not everyone’s is a good or valuable one anyway. So fuck it. 

I've had several people hate my 'speak-up' type of attitude. Plenty. But to that point, none of them were my friends, none of them were people I really knew or cared about, none of them were even relevant to my life. So goes to show. My family and friends always tell me they "love that about me" and those who are more shy have told me in confidence that they "wish they could be like that." I appreciate my friends who have always had the same respect and mentality as me, and have backed me up, and for that I love them. 

So many people are quieted by others. Don't get me wrong, pick your battles. Sometimes things really, truly aren't worth a second of your time or a breath out of your lungs. But sometimes it really is worthy of it. You're the referee and that is a call only you can make or a flag you can throw. 

But when it is called for, speak up, speak out, and if needed, speak loud. Don't let anyone step on you, put you down, disrespect you, or belittle you. I don't care who it is. Life is too short to not stand up for things. Stand up for your beliefs, stand up for your respect, stand up for your life, stand up for your words, stand up for your thoughts, stand up for your friends and family, stand up for your rights, stand up for your opinions, and most importantly...stand up for yourself.

And if anyone doesn't like it, too bad. Just like the saying goes "Stand for something, or fall for anything." Well than...stand up, stand tall, stand firm, and stand confident. Put your foot down, plant your feet on the ground...and don't bow down or sit for anyone.

Pull up a chair when YOU feel like it. Sit down when you are tired of standing...don't sit because someone tells you to. 

Not For Sale

       Why do we sometimes sell ourselves short?

       

       There are so many common phrases that remind us how many people are guilty of selling themselves short. “You’re your biggest critic”, “you’re your own worst enemy”, “you’re too hard on yourself.” Since when did we become so harsh to our very selves? And how sad is it that we all just accept these things as common and continue on with our lives?!

       There are so many things in our complex brain that make us our own worst enemy. We judge ourselves too much, we compare ourselves to other people, we think too much, we are over-analytical, we don’t let the past go, we’ve been hurt, we have a job that drains the life out of us, we let things make us weak when otherwise your grandma would say you are “one tough cookie”, and the list goes on.

       Listen, we all have our days, but once in a while you have to remember the independent, confident, bad-ass, good-looking motherfucker that you really are. Yes, there will be times we fall down, but we always get back up. And yes, there will be times we look like shit, but we always clean up well, don’t we? 

       I say we have a nice toast to ourselves....I type this as I drink a stiff vodka on the rocks...3 ice cubes.

       Once in a while you need to relieve the stress of your draining job, of your hyperactive kids, your fucked up car that needs fixing, your repetitive household chores, your arguments with people, your “what ifs”, your “ands”, your “buts”, your “maybes”, people in general, your bills, your worries, your problems, and your never ending “to-do” list.

       We can’t always depend on other people to bring us up. So let’s start the habit of taking care of that ourselves. I know I always say this but LIFE IS SHORT. It may not work every time, but once in a while try to remind yourself of this when you had a bad day, are in an argument, angry, upset, crying, or have a stressful issue...and you might surprise yourself in finding that you might change your attitude around.

       Don’t let yourself be your worst enemy, there are plenty of people in the world that will or already have applied for that position. Fuck what people think, forget about how people perceive you, your life, your relationship, or your friends...because you know what value all of it is really holds. Forget everyone’s approval. Those who really love and know you or want to know you won’t judge, so do not worry. 

       Don’t sell yourself short. In fact, don’t sell yourself at all! You’re fun, you’re talented, you’re beautiful, your jokes are great, your outfit looks amazing, you’re good at your job, you’re valuable, you're intelligent, you’re wanted, you’re unique, you’re inspiring, you’re special, you’re powerful, you’re confident, you’re good-hearted, you’re a good friend, you’re a good partner, you’re a good person...and you are not for sale.

       So stand up and toast to yourself. Appreciate YOU, appreciate your journey, appreciate your hard work, your struggles, and your successes. Let’s be the person we really want to be, and the person we really are, and let’s make it a habit! Let’s toast to rebuilding, to withstanding, and preserverance. Because remember, life is not about your setbacks...life is all about your comebacks.

What's on your mind?

The other day I began thinking...when did I get a facebook account? And crazy thing is, I honestly couldn’t remember exactly when I signed on to this amazing/evil thing. But hey, if it wasn’t for facebook, we wouldn’t keep in touch with a lot of our college friends, distant family members, busy co-workers, friends of friends, acquaintances, or hell, we wouldn’t be putting stupid comments on our best friends wall even though we’ll see them in 20 minutes.

Our world is now consumed with facebook. We have applications on our iPhones, it’s our landing page for our internet homepage, we sneak it at work, we are on it waiting at the doctor’s office, you’re updating your status as you almost swerve into traffic driving to work, you’re barely listening to the conversation your mother is having with you because you’re too busy scrolling through your friend’s “Drunk Night Out” photo album...What has happened to us?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on it. Although certain things about it can consume your mind for hours with mind-numbing posts, comments, pictures, events, videos, and random irrelevant status updates...the thing is damn entertaining when you’re bored at times. And hell, how would I promote any of my music or this very blog? So hey, I’m all on board.

But I had a epiphany the other day about this intriguing and sometimes addicting Web site. I realized that facebook can help you weed out people who have WAY too much time on their hands. ‘Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?’

Let me clarify. I’m not talking about people who actually have something useful to post, and perhaps it may be on a frequent basis. If your life is that interesting and eventful than I applaud you, but if you’re updating your status to let us know you’re bored, you picked up your dog at the vet, you bought a new sweatshirt at the mall, or you are currently sneezing up a storm....umm, I think I speak for nearly everyone when I say “We don’t care.” These types of people have way too much time on their hands.

Also, facebook helps you realize not only how much people stalk each other but how purely immature certain people are. I’m not talking about the highschool girls looking up that cute kid in their biology class either, I’m talking about people in their mid 20s acting like they are 15 years old. 

I’ve seen and heard it all...we all have. The creepy 40 year old friend requesting you including a message saying “Nice profile pic ;) “, the stalker ex trying to look up all your photo albums, or the immature poor souls who make it a point to use facebook as a “hater” outlet. And I am bringing this to light because way too many have to encounter these people and it’s about time someone called them out.

I’m not opposed to voicing your opinion and speaking out on this social networking medium, I mean that’s what it is there for. But next time you take the energy, time, and effort to post a status bashing someone, comment sarcastically on someone’s photo because someone you don’t like is in it, or support and “like” someone’s comment that basically displays to everyone that their mind hasn’t passed the 2nd grade...please ask yourself “Who’s looking stupid here?” Because the answer is you.

Not only does it make you seem like you have nothing better or more important to do with your time, but it makes the person who you are commenting about seem very very important to you. You look pathetic, immature, and honestly...it’s somewhat sad. We feel bad for you, don’t worry.

Let’s try to use facebook and the other sites alike, for positivity, humor, fun, and for good. And yes, the occasional rant, venting session, and pointless remark is more than welcome, but make sure you’re keeping your dignity and your class. Do you really want to display to the entire world that you’re lacking it? I think not.

If you have issues with someone or something, please address it maturely. Unfortunately for you, we graduated high school many years ago now. Basically, if you can’t fix a problem or insecurity you have within yourself, or with the appropriate people in your life...using facebook as a means to alert people that you’re bothered by something, annoyed at something, or upset, makes you seem weak. Do us all a favor (and more so, yourself a favor) and find a way to boost your confidence and address your needs to the right people, instead of making yourself look immature.

To those of you who are receiving the hate, hearing about and seeing the comments...feel happy, feel blessed, and feel important. These people are taking precious time out of their day to do, say, and post something for you, let’s not be rude and show some appreciation shall we?

And to all those stuck in immaturity, don’t you see we are too busy with our careers, dreams, passions, good relationships, family, friends, and lives to be bothered with your nonsense? Hey, don’t forget to look up, because the adult, mature-minded folks up here shall wave down to you from the pedestal that you put us on.

And first place goes to......the nice guy.

       The old myth that people like “the chase”...Whether it was a friend, a co-worker, your mom, or a stranger at the bar, at one point you all have received the ancient-old advice to “play hard to get.”

       More than likely this “golden” tip was given to you a long time ago and for those who may have just heard his recently, than I am just in time for you.

       The notion is basically, don’t be “too available”, don’t be “too open”, don’t be “too involved”, or “too attached.” Some say this piece of advice is crucial during the beginning stages of a blossoming relationship. Quite frankly I am just not sure how much I find this theory to even be plausible at all. I mean, I can understand not blowing up the guy’s phone 100 times that you just met at the grocery store 2 days ago...but since when does acting like you’re disinterested gain you any rewards?

       This got me thinking...

       Ladies, how many times have you heard guy’s say “Oh, girls love assholes” or “the nice guys always finish last”? About a buzzillion, right? And gentleman, how many times have you heard a women say “Oh, guys need a girl who is a bitch”?

       Who the hell decided any of these statements are truthful? For those of you finding either of these statements as justifiable, let me please bluntly and quickly burst your bubble.

       I doubt anyone “wants” or “loves” an asshole. And excuse me, but any guy who has EVER been an asshole, “Mr. Suave”, too cool, or acted disinterested towards me, not only never got my phone number but more than likely our conversation only lasted just long enough for me to let him know that I’d rather go home and play a video game on my couch than continue speaking with him. And I’ve seen and heard plenty of my guy friends go talk to a girl somewhere with a bitch attitude and come back and say “She was cute, but she was a bitch...forget it.”

       Honestly, women and men...I think we both have some work to do to get ride of this theory that we both love people who basically suck. I will also be candid and say that girl you know still dating the guy who treats her like crap or the guy you know who constantly gets bossed around by his snobby-ass girlfriend have low self-esteem, feel they can’t get anyone else, and sadly enough some people just don’t want to put the risk, time or energy into dating again, being alone, or finding someone worth it. And I’m sure there are many other reasons people allow themselves to remain in an unpleasant situation...but hey, that’s just my thoughts.

       So you meet an interesting girl at the bar and you exchange phone numbers. You immediately like each other. Two days later she texts you to go grab a bite to eat and you sit smirking, staring at your inbox and you decide to “play it cool” and close your phone without responding. The girl doesn’t hear from you until the next day when you decide you’ve played it “cool” long enough and text her back.

       Little do you know the damage you’ve already caused in such a short time. Now she won’t answer you right away either. She knows your little scheme here and she’ll be damned if she appears desperate and decides to ignore you until the next day in return. And the cycle of things of this nature will continue for God knows how long. Yes it sounds petty...but we have ALL been there and seen others partaking in this nonsense, admit it.

       Since when does acting disinterested show you’re interested?...Seems ironic, doesn’t it? And we sit here and wonder why we all treat each other like shit...go figure.

       Now let’s backtrack a bit. So the “playing hard to get” thing, what happens than when you are with someone a long time? Or you live with them? Or you’re married? Or have kids together? Do we really need to still “play” anything?! I mean, when do the games ever really come to a close?

       And a lot of this comes down to plain effort sometimes. Why don’t we all use the effort and energy we spend toward playing hard to get and act how we REALLY feel?

       And while we are on the topic of efforts, let’s dive into that a bit too. So many people complain of or fear the lack of effort from their significant other. Most people have this theory of the “honeymoon” stage. Whether it’s a month, a few months, or as little as a couple weeks, people have a definitive amount of time when this “phase” comes to a close.

       I agree with the honeymoon stage lasting only a specific amount of time but the important difference in my belief is that I have a completely different definition of what the honeymoon stage actual entails.

       Too many people have this general belief that during the honeymoon stage you are so in love, infatuated, giddy and extremely happy. Both of you are fully devoted, displaying effort, you’re going on fun dates, you’re laughing, you’re inspired...and all of a sudden a few months goes by and you “really get to know that person” and all of this happiness and fun comes to an abrupt halt...What the fuck?

       Hey, I’m not saying this doesn’t happen to people. I know it has, it still does, and it will continue to happen, but does that mean we need to pump belief into such a negative message? Just because it happens to some doesn’t mean all of a sudden it is a universal rule of thumb. My belief of a honeymoon stage is going from being scared to eating in front of each other to a few months later eating ribs and having sauce all over your face and not caring. Or being comfortable enough to let out a large belch every once and a while. Not completely giving up on being romantic and caring.

       And I’m going to use this opportunity to call out the lazy people out there as well. Yeah, I’m talking to you, you who did and said all these wonderful things for your significant other and then time passed, or you got married, or you moved in, or you started seeing them every day and you’ve become less of what you used to be. Shame on you.

       Certain people get “too comfortable” after a period of time with someone and forget the importance of those little things. So you charmed someone enough to fall in love with your ass and now you’re going to get lazy?! Pshhh. That is the time to kick everything up a notch and make sure you keep the fire going strong.

       Ladies, surprise your man with his favorite homemade meal and guys don’t let any female convince you that we don’t like receiving those “just because” flowers. Sneak their favorite candy bar in their bag, buy them a card to remind them you care, when you say you’re going to make something up to them...do it. Sound cheesy? Then I’d take an educated guess in concluding that you more than likely get in and out of bed alone most days don’t you? Good luck to you.

       Romance is everything. The little things are everything. Without it, life and relationships can get quickly mundane. Yes, you don’t have to do something overly extravagant every single passing day, but once in a while is nice. And just the little things on a day to day basis truly mean a lot more than people chalk it up to be.

       So I grouped two important topics together. Let’s not get lazy or dull. Let’s not forget the importance of romance, communication, and opening up.  Let’s break the theory, notion, and stereotype that we fall for the ones who act disinterested. Acting disinterested indeed is NOT the “new” interested. It never was or shall be, in my book.

       If you care, act like it. If you want to see someone, tell them. If someone doesn’t like you saying and doing things like that than there’s a pretty good chance that they just don’t like you.

       Life is too short to not spend it wisely and to not spend it with someone you love. So don’t forget to surprise them, make them smile, and ACT INTERESTED. The lesson here is the whole “playing hard to get” bit is outdated. And if you’ve survived playing hard to get, and this so-called honeymoon stage, and you’re lucky enough to still have someone special by your side...please don’t slack on the romance and the little things. Comfortable or not, I don’t care if you’ve been together for decades...stay creative, stay romantic, and stay involved!

       Not only does the asshole not finish last, he doesn’t finish at all. In my book, bitches aint shit and the nice guy finishes FIRST.

      ....See you at the finish line people.