Social NotWorking

       So in the midst of doing some research early this morning, I came across this article disclosing that a study from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that Facebook & social networking sites have been linked to divorces in America. 66% of divorces to be exact. And I'd love to say that I was shocked, but I wasn't whatsoever. 

       My first thought was perhaps these were "older" folks, who didn't have the luxury we had to somewhat "grow up" with social networking. And it is possible that due to their lack of experience, knowledge, and understanding of these sites, they fell victim to their sometimes overwhelming bullshit. With that said, then I wondered, just because we are more well-versed on these mediums does that make us invincible to their potential harm? 

       I have one too many friends, guy or girl, (and I'm sure you have too) that have been upset at something they see on Facebook, Twitter, etc. And hey, I'm no saint. I've had my ass chapped a time or two in my day. But in reality, what's it all worth?

       So let's take a look. People mainly would say "It's just Facebook, not a big deal", "not worth it", etc. And these folks have a very valid point here. But on the flip side, why should anyone have to deal with any of it to begin with? In all reality, you can be in a successful relationship and not piss your partner off because of something on Facebook. It IS possible ya know. We all know people in relationships with the knowledge of what sites like Facebook do to people/relationships and yet, they still put themselves in these positions.

Do you really need to 'like' that random dudes picture from college where he's dressed up to go out?

Do you really need to remain 'friends' with your ex's family?

Do you really need to have 1,789 friends on your page?

Do you really need to 'like', 'comment', 'message' on anything or anyone remotely related to a person you not so long ago dated?

Do you really need to "follow" some half-naked wanna be famous broad or dude on your Twitter page?

Do you really need to stay connected with certain people who have no real value or relevance to your current life or relationship?

       If you are in a serious and committed relationship, the answer to ALL of these questions should very easily be 'No'.

       So now you see it from the flip side. Yes, it's not a big deal...but maybe it is a big deal that some of you don't notice your capabilities to decrease the level of annoyance, if not erase it completely. It is within OUR power to allow people into our social networking life. We chose to interact, we chose to "follow", we chose to 'like' or 'comment', we chose to befriend someone or deny their request. It is our very own doing. And perhaps your significant other isn't thrilled with your part of the deal. Sounds a bit more clear now doesn't it?

       Considering I've heard of many situations of this nature and I’m sure we all have an understanding of it in the age we are growing up in...I felt it deemed some relevance in this entry. And I'm not saying that your past relationships don't shape you or that they weren’t a part of your life. I'm not even saying that some people don't remain somewhat friendly with their ex (although I’ve never heard of their current partner jumping for joy). But usually in the grand scheme of life, there comes a time and a place to close some doors and cut some ties. The past is the past for a reason, and it’s usually a good one. So if certain people from your past or certain people who aren't a value to your future are still lurking around...we should make the decision to actively detach ourselves.

       We live in a world of constant connection. And I'm not talking only sites like Facebook and Twitter...not only can people text and email much easier and faster now, but even applications like FourSquare and HeyTell can give you access to message someone without anyone even knowing about it. Hell, even the gaming center on your iPhone freely serves up your email address for people to contact you.

       And trust is key. Yes, we trust our partners don't we? But from a lot of the people I've seen in these situations, and from my analysis as well, I think it is the worry of having to trust other people...strangers..friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, people with certain applications, emails, texts, phone numbers. AHHHH social media connection OVERLOAD.

       With all the 'likes', 'follows', 'messages', ‘photos’, 'chats', 'comments', 'emails', 'texts', 'pokes', ‘subscriptions’, 'friends', ‘statuses’, ‘tweets’ and 'networking' going on, I ask...will our relationships survive?

       If people who have devoted their life to each other in marriage have had social media be the culprit to their problems...how the hell are we safe? Mark Zuckerberg is probably sitting back on a yacht somewhere throwing his billions in the air as he chuckles to himself from the mania he has caused.

       If your single, great. But if you are in a serious relationship, engaged to be married, living together, already married, about to have kids, or anything of the like...it's never too late to make some strides to ensure your relationship will stand the test of time. And trust me, there is a decent amount of time to stand.

       Facebook. Twitter. Blaa Blaa Blaa. What purpose does it REALLY serve us? Ok, I'll give you a second to think about it.....NOTHING. Seeing a bunch of pointless photos from the kid you talked to once in high school, what event your ex from college is attending this weekend, what sarcastic remark your friend has about the football game last night or a complete album dedicated to babies drooling doesn't benefit anyone...and certainly doesn't benefit your relationship. So why are we fighting so hard to hold onto it?

       Your REAL friends will know your phone number to contact you. You don't need Facebook to stay in touch. These sites are evil in the fact that everything you do, say, or interact with is judged by others. And not only judged but I think more importantly, it is all constantly open to interpretation. Your partner, or anyone else for that matter, doesn’t really understand all the intent in certain things, the background story, or the updates. The interpretation and curiosity is what fuels many arguments in this arena. Shit, even companies won’t hire you for your immature profile picture or the fact you ‘liked’ the “Big Tits In America” group. 

       Hey, no one is perfect. Shit happens. But if it takes completely deleting your otherwise irrelevant account or at the very least deleting or unfollowing people off your page until you’re down to 100 REAL friends, blocking certain stalkers or people of concern, deleting photos, detagging yourself, ensuring your privacy settings are at their most effective and perhaps not logging on as much...to keep your relationship protected of pointless harm, why wouldn’t you do it?

       And I’m not saying we all need to never use any of these mediums again for the rest of our lives, but we could all use some awakening on this topic and each individual knows what is best for them and their relationships. But our relationships and our futures are more important than any social media. It’s sad that’s even a sentence written out in this blog, but times have changed and in turn, so have our ways of connecting to people. Apparently it is worthy of discussing, given that people are throwing in the towel in their long-term relationships and even marriages, with this being one of the reasons to blame.

       Ya know how a lot of people say you need to “Stay Connected”...well I say you should always stay a bit disconnected. If you want a successful future let’s make some effective decisions all around. Shut some long overdue open doors, turn over some new leaves, close some chapters in our book, and do the right things. The future of our relationships and marriages depend on it.

       So, don’t “like” it...enjoy it.

       Don’t “post” something...say something.

       Don’t “send a message”...make a phone call.

       Don’t read a “newsfeed”...read a book.

       Don’t  “share” a story...be a part of one.

       Don’t “subscribe” to a person...subscribe to a blog.

       Don’t “change a picture”...change a life.

       Don’t “follow”...lead.

       And don’t “tweet” about it......BE ABOUT IT.