Never Ask a Stranger for Directions

       It's interesting how life consists of going down sets of different paths. There are two roads to go down (sometimes more), you decide which one you'll be taking, and you start a journey.

       Sometimes these roads lead to success, happiness, great opportunity and open valleys. You can wind up in love, at a dream job, able to reach goals, and finding the wonders of the world. But sometimes these roads can also lead to dead ends, deserted areas and traffic jams. You can wind up lost, angry, and hurt.

       And sometimes a road may look like a beautiful scenic route, but you can find yourself half way down it and then realize you really just ended up in the mud. You noticed you've walked miles and miles down a certain way, spending years of your life...and come to find out it's not where you wanted to end up. 

       Do we ever know for sure if where we are headed is the right way? And sure, if it turns out not to be, we can always turn around...but what if it's a one-way street? What if you never figure out exactly where you are and find yourself going around in circles, passing the same block over and over again and never actually moving any further? What if you think you are venturing onto a new path when you come to realize it’s a road you’ve already taken?

       How can we ever know we are on the right road in our careers, our relationships, our future, our love life, our friendships, and our overall choices?

       Just like the trees, our lives are ever-changing...along with the people in them. There is so much uncertainty involved, that if you really focus on it, it may very well scare the shit out of you. Or perhaps we can look at this uncertainty in a positive light and be grateful for the fact that we don’t know what is coming next. Perhaps we should embrace the mystery of where our decisions may lead us, where they may make us end up, and how we will learn from them.

       You can follow someone down a road, use a GPS to make sure you get there a specific way, bring a map and try to figure it out, or you may want to wander until you find what you're looking for. Some may take a busy street, while others go on a road less traveled. Some may lead, some may follow, and some may stand still.

       I guess there is no way of knowing where our life paths will lead us or how we will do on the way to where we end up. I suppose the best we can do is learn from the wrong turns and dead ends, embrace the beautiful secret passages, get to know the people we meet along the way, and hope we end up in a place we enjoy. Also, be grateful that we have the options, the different roads, the privilege of making a choice for our lives...because despite the chances of it not turning out exactly the way we envisioned, life would be pretty fucking boring.

       And just a piece of advice, when it comes to which road you will take, trust yourself...and never ask a stranger for directions. 

Hope Is A Good Thing

       I got to thinking the other day about our dreams. As a kid you get to enjoy more of the little things in life...coloring outside the lines, watching your favorite cartoons, and dreaming of being an astronaut, a famous painter, or the lead singer in the next hit rock band. Remember that?

       We tend to grow up with these high hopes of our dreams becoming a reality. Even when we are older and most of us attend college or start a trade we don’t see it coming - the truth. I remember being in college and getting my public relations degree thinking I was going to one day work at Food Network doing special events and coordinating their PR. This hope was still alive as I sat on the train one rainy Saturday afternoon heading into NYC. I had a plan.

       I had researched on the internet for days about who was a good person to contact at Food Network. I forget his name but he was a human resources director. I placed my well-written resume and witty cover letter in a fancy manilla envelope and sealed it shut. Aware of my not so wonderful handwriting, I slowly addressed the envelope making sure it was my best penmanship. “Perfect”, I thought to myself.

       The train arrived in NYC. It was raining but my spirits were high as I strutted to the Avenue of Americas with my best professional outfit I had in my closet at the time on and my favorite pair of black leather high heels. As I entered the building and the security officer greeted me at the door, he asked the reason for my visit. “Important correspondence for Mr. (X)” I said, smiling and somewhat nervous he was going to tell me to fuck off. After a couple seconds of hesitation “Alright, third floor to the left” he said.

       As I arrived on the third floor and I saw the shiny silver Food Network sign on the wall, I walked up to the woman at the front desk and handed her my “important correspondence” (aka my resume). I said “Make sure Mr. X receives this, I will be following up with him this week.” 

       Confident my plan worked, I headed back to Penn Station with all the hope in the world that I would get a call...But that call never came. I left Mr. X a message a week later, like I promised the woman at the front desk I would, and still no call back.

       The thing is (which I’m sure is no shock to any of you) is that not everything goes your way and not all your “dreams” will come true in life. After graduating and returning home, I took a job at a Fortune 500 pharmaceutical company and 2 years later, I left there to pursue the next step in my career and I landed a job at a publishing company where I currently work. 

       Since starting my first “big girl job” at the pharmaceutical company about 3 years ago now, I grew up, I matured, I lost some old friends, I gained some new friends, I went through a bad breakup, I started this blog that I love, I finally pursued music after many years of people telling me to, and I met and fell in love with the greatest guy I could ever ask for. I moved in with that great guy, we got an awesome dog, I bought myself a new car and continue to add aspirations to my “to-do” list...just because.

       Needless to say, I gave up on my Food Network dream and replaced it with my dream of being a published author or a known blogger, and pursuing music to see what could happen.

       The blogging part is easy on my budget. It’s free, I make my own schedule to work on it, and it makes me happy. Making music has helped me grow, it honestly makes me proud of myself and excited to be able to share something with other people. The reality of it though is that paying for my college loans, my car, my bills, along with trying to save for vacations and a future home with J...well, it’s difficult to dish out $75 an hour for a studio.

       Despite the financial burdens of pursuing my love of making music, I will not give it up. Lucky for me I’ve met some talented people who are willing to help me out (I’m planning to make a trip soon to go record a few songs with some of them and I also just finished shooting a music video, etc). Essentially, although it is not happening at a rapid pace, I am making it happen piece by piece. 

       But as I sat at my desk at work the other day and stared off, zoning out at my different colored folders stacked neatly in a pile, white printer paper with many different “reminders” and “pending” projects to complete, rate sheets, Excel print outs, post-it notes, and your standard blue and black pens...I thought to myself, “Could this be it?”

       I mean think about it, you see people who have worked at their desk jobs for 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Is this wrong? No. But think back to when you were a kid. The same kid watching Sunday morning cartoons, coloring and dreaming of being the next big musician or actor or chef. Even when you were in college sitting in a then “pointless” Art History lecture, just knowing that when you got that diploma - that piece of paper that cost you $85,000...that you could THEN get out there in the real world and make a difference. I mean, we all thought that at one point. I know I did.

       Would your inner kid and college student look down on you now and be disappointed? No one wants to hear this, but sometimes you’re not making the “difference” you thought you would be...and instead you find yourself just making a paycheck.

       As I was wondering all of this at my desk, waiting for the clock to hit 4:30 so I could get home to make dinner, it hit me...I very well may never be a famous blogger or writer and perhaps no one who could change my course of life will ever hear any of my music. I might just be left with a couple of my songs in the shuffle of a few of my friends iTunes playlists and some YouTube videos online. And hey, not many people can say that...so I guess I’m alright with that too. Those are things I will have forever. 

       That’s the funny thing about life, not everything is about talent or passion. Yes, it is a requirement to making your dreams come true, but it is not the entirety of it. Talent, passion and the final ingredient...luck. Sure, people like Bobby Flay, Quentin Tarentino and Robert De Niro could drop out of high school and still become super stars, but they are the lucky ones. Having the right talent, knowing the right people, being at the right place at the right time.

       Shit, if everyone got lucky there would be no casinos in Vegas, there would be no NJ Lottery, there would be no contests. Your dreams in life are like a casino. Many people go there with high hopes of being the next big winner, and hell, you could be the best Black Jack player in the world...but we all know the house usually wins. And if we all are well-aware that the house usually wins...why do we still go? The hope of winning. The hope of beating the odds. Like the great quote from Shawshank Redemption goes - “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” 

       So my advice is go out there and follow your dreams. No matter how big or small. At the very least, whatever it is you dream, keep it in your life. I love to write and make music...and I may never have a NY Times best-selling book or a Billboard 100 hit song, but I’ll have my passions alive and I’ll ensure that they are playing a special role in my life. 

       The moral of the story is, keep your dreams alive...but just in case you wake up and you’re 45 or 50 or whatever age it is that you realize that your big dream didn’t actually come true or work out...just be happy you’re alive and that you are still able to paint or write or sing or cook or play guitar. Whatever it is you do, be happy you can still do it for yourself. Be happy you tried, be happy you have a talent or a passion you love that you can keep with you forever. Save your drawings, save your songs, save that screenplay you wrote in college. It’s worth a lot more than you think. If you do this, no matter what age it is that you wake up and have this realization...you can be satisfied with your efforts.

       Just know that perhaps life had a different path for you, perhaps we were meant to work a 9-5 and be a good mom, or a good husband, or a good volunteer, or good business person. The reality of life is we can’t all be Picassos, De Niros, Madonnas or walk on the moon. And I realized...that is completely okay. 

The Keys To Happiness

       Many business experts have written about the “keys to success.” But of course, I got to thinking of something different. I felt that being truly happy is the real definition of succeeding in life. I decided this was a topic I could not provide advice just on my own, so I took to my Facebook page, where I opened the lines for people to give me their advice and tips on what they truly feel to be the real “keys to happiness.”

       I had a good amount of responses so I attempted to group them together into similar ideas. Here is what you thought:

       What do you think are the keys to happiness?

The debate is over, the glass is half full! 
       Many people responded to my loaded question with the notion of being positive. The idea that happiness is up to looking on the brighter side of things and not focusing on the negatives. Perhaps we can be happier in life simply with how we view the world? Some thought this was the key element to happiness. One of my friends put it quite well saying, “when you come across a situation take a minute, slow down, think about things and bring something positive to the table. Always look for the positive, take your time in life, sit back and look at all the beauty that it has to offer. Most of all just let the positivity flow all day everyday.” With all the negativity that can come around in life, it may be in our best interest to just focus on the positive and good. I have found that any dark night has a star lighting up the sky, any rain drop can lead to a flower, and any hard situation can make you a better person. So perhaps it isn’t the debate of whether the glass is half empty or full, but perhaps it may be better to just focus on the fact that there is simply something in it.

Don’t sweat the small stuff, enjoy them

       People also focused on the importance of appreciating the little things in life. As some of us may be too busy with our lives to stop once in a while and enjoy something on a smaller scale. Considering life consists of many of these little things each and every day, I thought it was a great addition to the list. Be grateful for your significant other’s smile in the morning, the laugher you have with a friend, watching your dog run around frantically chasing after her tail, watching a movie on a rainy day, taking your Dad out to dinner, spending time with family. Whatever these little things are for you...make sure they aren’t passing you by.

Love a dub dub
       This one may seem obvious for some, and not so much for others. This can come in many forms. Love in your relationship, friendships, family, and the love you have for yourself! “The key to happiness is learning to love yourself”, one person said. As cliche as it sounds, love does make the world go round, and you’d be surprised what spreading a little love can really do. I find it is truly good for the soul. As far as love being one of the keys to happiness, someone put it perfectly, “it is the simplest one and the most important”. 

What do you like to do? 
       Everyone likes to say they enjoy “hobbies”, but do we really have any? According to the wonderful folks who responded, this is a vital key to happiness! Considering our focused pursuit to happiness will at times get side-tracked by stress, anxiety, fear, pressure, sadness, and the rest, it is these hobbies that will be our much needed relief at times, when needing to forget problems or just simply relax and take a load off. Many people said that whatever interests you, whether it is cooking, music, art, writing, painting, reading, etc, that you should ensure to “dedicate a significant amount of time to it” and “do them as often as you can to keep your mind and body in tune.” I concur!

Dear Stress,

Fuck off.

Sincerely, Personal Management 
       So we all know stress likes to come up and bite us in the ass. Are we managing it right? With all the stress and pressure life can put on you, it is important to note that stress management is a key to happiness. Why? Well not only did many of you include this in your list, but I mean let’s face it, stress is inevitable and it’s up to us to not let it consume our life or on a smaller scale, our day. As one person put it, “life is all about managing situations and being able to adapt and change with the eps and flows of life.” Managing situations, indeed. Just make sure to do whatever you can to relieve yourself of unnecessary stress - wake up on time for work, give yourself extra time to get to your doctor’s appointment, write shit down so you don’t forget, don’t blow your money at the bar when you know you have your car payment due next week. In general, whatever IS in your control, please make it work in your favor. Let yourself de-stress, so you’re not in distress.

You are who you hang with 
       Newsflash! All these years, our parents were right. The people you associate with affect not only your happiness but your life! A few of you mentioned that good friendships are very important to one’s happiness and it is the “quality of friendships and not the quantity.” And many of you stated the importance of keeping good, positive, and like-minded people around you. As one person put it, “Get rid of the people that aren’t having a positive influence on your life. Eliminating other people’s craziness/immaturity/negativity can improve your overall morale and outlook.” [For more of my insight on this please see the “How Full Is Your Bucket” entry. ;) ]

       There were many notable items that people mentioned that didn’t necessarily fall into any special category but I felt were equally important when coming up with our keys to happiness. They are as follows:

-”Animal companionship”

-”Being confident in yourself”

-”Looking & feeling healthy”

-”Work to pay for the things you like to do and want because no matter how much you like your job, it’s still work and should not define you.”

-”Have realistic goals and achieve them!”

-”A balance of caring what other people think and how I’m perceived but also not taking it TOO seriously and not caring about what TOO many other people think.

-”This may sound cliche and cynical and I’d love to go in a different more noble direction, but the more and more I think about it and the older I get the more I believe it to be the simple truth. Money”

-”Securing your physical and mental and/or emotional strength”

-”Honesty”

-”Live logically. Base your decisions off of one question “Does this shit make sense? If not, chances are you shouldn’t do it. People tend to complicate life by adding rules and guidelines (religion, politics, etc) that are usually based off of archaic ways of thinking. Just do what you know is right, and things tend to turn out for the better.”

       One person answered my question with a single famous quote that they try to live by:

“The problem often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation.”

The Keys to Happiness, according to me.

(You didn’t think I’d leave you hanging without my side of this story, now did you?)

In case you were wondering what my keys are... Here’s my list (so far):

No over-thinking!

       I have a very active and detailed mind. This helps me excel at work and my music and writing, but can burden me in other areas of life. I work every day at improving myself and making sure I am spending time thinking about the things that are worthy of my thoughts and will benefit me for the better. (Work in progress!) So make sure to not over think things in your life. As I learned in college, KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Ah, Outlets. 
       I don’t think I’d be the same person if I didn’t have the time to spend on singing and writing my music and writing this blog.These are highly important outlets for me in life, they not only help me vent and use my creativity, but every time I get to write and record music or every time I hit “post” on Facebook for people to read my blog...I have a feeling of happiness that is indescribable. I truly love it. I believe our passion in life comes from doing things we are passionate about. Find what you truly love to do, ask it to marry you, and never get distant or divorced.

Throw yourself a bone! 
       Believe it or not, I am my biggest critic! And from many conversations with people, it seems to be a popular trend among many of us. Sometimes we don’t cut ourselves some slack! We have a lot more to be proud of than we think. Stop beating yourself up and give yourself a Goddamn pat on the back.

Love is in the air 
       I know I’ve written a lot about my relationship with J, our life here and our cute dog we have, but this is a serious and vital part of my happiness. Not everyone will get the chance at experiencing true love, but I am so happy and grateful that I have the luxury. In my opinion, life is so much better with the right plus one. Having someone to make me laugh every day, to tell me everything will be okay when I’m upset, to hug me at the end of a stressful day at work, to fix the sink when I would have no fucking idea what I would do, to take the dog out when I’m too tired in the morning, to say “I love you” every night before falling asleep...these things enrich my life and make me appreciate the little things that are oh so important. J is one of the key elements in my happiness and I make sure to thank him every day. So whether your kind of love comes from a relationship, friend, or family member, make sure you thank them for the important role they play in your life.

I’m picking up good vibrations... 
       I know we touched on this above, but being positive is a key element in my opinion as well. Although staying positive in the midst of some not so positive stuff can be hard, it is something that must be focused on in order to keep our sanity. Even though some situations call for some ‘realism’, as I like to call it, looking at life on the brighter side can do nothing but wonders.

Dolla dolla bills ya’ll 
       One of my respondents above had mentioned that although it may not seem like the most noble route, that money is indeed the true key to happiness. I will agree it is ONE of the keys and I would like to think it falls into a list and doesn’t just stand by itself. That being said, I know for damn sure I am much more happy when I can pay my bills on time, buy my boyfriend that gift I wanted to get him, pay for dinner when taking my parents out to eat, and not having to knock some items off the grocery list because I don’t have enough money that week. Money is vital. For example, when you get sick, isn’t it nice to have enough money to run to Walgreens or Rite Aid and stock up on cough drops, throat spray, tissues, ice packs, and that ridiculously priced cough medicine? Some people don’t have that luxury, and yes, I can assure you it would make them happier if they did. And that’s a very small example, money can not only allow you to perform necessary tasks in life, but it can allow you to do fun things to make you happy. Like Daniel Tosh once said, “Have you ever seen a sad person on a WaveRunner?!” So work hard, save money, and be proud when you can slide your card at the store confidently, knowing you didn’t just overdraw your account. Cha-ching! 

Bark, Bark, Woof, Woof 
       Although Jade (our dog) can be the biggest pain in the ass sometimes (the 4 AM wake ups to take her outside when I have work at 8, the uncalled for random poops at the public park in front of people when I made sure she was good to go before we left, the random energetic sprints across the apartment which ends in her knocking over my freshly filled glass of iced tea, and leaving her trail of food all around her bowl instead of IN it) she is the source of a lot of extra happiness and laughter in our home. I guess J and I are lucky that we spent the time training her and she is a great dog, but there are so many days we laugh hysterically at stuff she does or just days it is extra relaxing because she’s laying down near us as we watch a movie. Dogs are not only cute, cuddly, and great companions, they are forgiving, they don’t hold grudges, they don’t hate, they don’t judge, and they are the TRUE definition of unconditional love...we can learn a lot from them.

How full is your bucket?

       I’ve mentioned this before and I’ll say it again. Surround yourself with good people. Have in depth conversations, pick people’s brains, learn from those who are more experienced and more knowledgable. Spend time associating with people who have values, high standards, positive perspectives and respect for others. Make good friends who care about you and those who you care about. These types of people “fill” your bucket in life, while others can drain it. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with bucket-fillers or you might find yours screaming for water.

       Finally, one person told me “life is as easy as you make it.” And although this seems to be a simple statement, I find there is a huge amount of truth to this.

       So no matter what your keys are, make sure you are using them wisely and more importantly, let those who may not know them, in on your secret! Share the wealth, as they say.

       You know, I kind of laugh at those books you see about the “keys to success” because I think they had it wrong all along. There was no need for an in-depth analysis on your career, how to build your resume, how to excel at the work place, how to save for retirement, how to get the gold watch, the logistics of a 401K, or how to create a table in Microsoft Word. There was no need for 350 pages, highly-ranked publishers, flashy hard covers or 60,00 print copies. All they needed was one page and one sentence: “The key to success is happiness.”

Always Wake Up Early...

       I got inspired last week by a speech they played on the radio during the daily morning show I listen to on my way to work. It was not even 7 AM yet, and I sat at the red light, no cars on the road, and I turned up the volume on my radio as I listened to this man giving “life advice”. They somehow made it into a song. Anyway, I found myself moved by it and of course, inspired to write a blog entry and perhaps share with everyone my own version of “life advice.”

       To all of those truly living life, which I certainly hope is everyone...here are some things to live by. None of them may have any hard evidence, scientific background, or research conducted on them, but I can only share advice on my own experiences. If there was one piece of advice I would give, above all else, it would be to wake up early. Those who are sleeping cannot get anything done, you will have a jump start not only to your day, but you’ll also never run late for work. Don’t be afraid to be emotional or open with others, even strangers, for these people will relate to you and most of all, remember you...and no one wants to be forgotten. Celebrate your successes, but not too much, for not every card you will be dealt will result in a full house. When you fail, admit it, take it in, and write down what the fuck not to do again. Get enough sleep. Save old photographs, because even if you have a great memory, nothing replaces seeing those awkward outfits from high school or the first date you had with the love of your life. Remember your college friends, for they taught you more about yourself than you’ll ever really be able to thank them for. Don’t dwell, whether it’s on the past or the future or the next minute...dwelling occupies your mind when you can be planning an adventure, being creative, or even just cleaning your kitchen counters. Record yourself singing a song you love. Hell, sing in the shower from time to time. There is nothing closer to rocking out Madison Square Garden than singing loudly in your shower as you lather up your luffa. Don’t let a day go by that you don’t tell your significant other that you love them, because one day you’d wish you had told them every passing moment. Let go of grudges and hold tightly to good memories. Pay your bills on time. Don’t watch beauty shows, for they never make you feel good about yourself, and they are as fake as they seem. Instead, look in the mirror and feel confident. Cry during a sad movie, no one is judging you. Wear your heart on your sleeve, just make sure it’s a flattering shirt. Laugh hard, until your stomach hurts. Get drunk with an old friend and make new memories. Never forget where you came from, because without it, you’d never get to where you are going. Sign yourself up for karaoke at a crowded bar. Buy yourself flowers. Congratulate someone on their accomplishments. Generally do right by others, because what they say about karma is true, it can certainly be a bitch. Smile. Old friends may disappear and new ones may come in, but hold on to the few true ones that have stayed present in your life throughout all the changes. Say yes more often, because no’s tend to close doors, decrease opportunity, or leave you wondering ‘what if’. Eat a greasy, fat, cheeseburger and don’t feel guilty afterwards. Read that book you always wanted to read but never made time to. Go to the gym. Tell your family you love them, for they will not always be around. Be nice to strangers, because you never know if they will be a future boss, friend, or a person driving by you as you need help changing your flat tire. Respect other people’s opinions. Follow at least one of your dreams, whether it’s being a parent or being a rock star...pursue it, you’ll thank me later. Drink lots of water, it’s good for your face. Always have extra toilet paper. Be thankful for your heartbreaks, those who decided to betray you have strengthened your skin, made you tough, and helped you appreciate the better things that come along. Wash your face every night. Always carry chap stick, no one likes rough lips, and you never know when you’ll be getting an unexpected smooch. Treat yourself once in a while, I know your bills are a large expense, but fuck it, buy yourself that fancy watch or those pair of heels you’ve been wanting. Moisturize. Remember those you’ve lost, for they left imprints in your heart for a very special reason. Take vitamins. Don’t forget to cut yourself some slack sometimes, you’ve been doing better than you think. Never wear wrinkled clothes, you look messy for christ sake. Own a dog. Eat every type of food you possibly can and improve your palette. Do your laundry once a week. Thank those who are honest with you, because sometimes whether good or bad, it’s nice to hear the truth. Always have napkins or tissues in your car. Strive to inspire others, for they may give you some unexpected inspiration of your own. Never give up on love and happiness. Be supportive of other people’s ambitions. Give good advice to others, some people could really use it. Never go to sleep angry. Be thankful for nostalgia, for remembering how you felt at a certain time in your life or what it was like being at a certain place. Nostalgia is an amazing, beautiful feeling of good memories that signals happiness in your brain...these memories make us grateful for living a good life. Live a good life. But I’m serious about that waking up early thing...it gives you more time in the day, and more time to take over the world.