Who needs to wait on VH1 Behind the Music or E! True Hollywood Story to tell my story for me? I’ll tell it myself.
As some of you already know I finally made my public music debut a few days ago. And for those of you who didn’t know, you’ll have the opportunity to hear the song after reading this post.
Music is a beautiful thing because it conveys emotions, stories, and experiences. And with the heart-felt lyrics and passionate delivery in my song, I got asked by many people “Well, what’s the song really about?”, “What was your inspiration behind it?” And I think because many people can relate to the concept of the song, that you all deserve to know, and perhaps not feel alone in your own life experiences. Because that’s another great thing about music, you can relate to it and feel comfort in knowing others share similar feelings in life.
So my talented friend who I’ve been working with sent me the instrumental to this song on a Thursday night. I was so in love with it that I sat up in bed on my Macbook until 3 AM (on a work night), drinking wine and wrote the lyrics to the entire thing. The next day after work I went to meet up with him and recorded the song from start to finish. After only an hour and a half we were blasting it out of the speakers. And in his words “That was the fastest I’ve ever finished a song in one session.” ...I was proud.
So after a week of him tweaking things on it I was waiting anxiously to get the finished product. I got the text while I was driving home from work that day - “Are you ready to bump out to your song?!”...I think I made the fastest time in getting home from work I ever have. I went that night to my friends house to create a Youtube video of it and then I posted it to Facebook and started getting views. And here we are now.
After posting it, I had no idea how great the feedback would be and how much support I would receive. It blew my mind. Comment after comment and ‘like’ after ‘like’, my smile grew wider and wider. All the comments, all the texts from my friends, all the calls I received. . .Flattered is truly not the word. I want to take this time to THANK YOU, you know who you are. All my friends who have cheered me, supported me, rallied for me and encouraged me to put myself out there. I truly love you for that and you’ve giving me more than I can ever ask for. It is amazing how in life, at the times you may need support the most, everyone comes out and shines their light on you and you feel completely illuminated. I couldn’t thank you all enough.
I went out to the bar last night and everyone I saw there commented on the song, telling me “We are all waiting on song number 2!” I almost wanted to cry in the happiness I felt from everyone being so supportive. It’s an amazing feeling that I’ve never been lucky enough to feel until now. And I plan on never taking it for granted.
So, anyone who has heard “Tug of War”, would easily come to the realization of how personal and deep the song really is. And it’s not always easy for people to put themselves out there like that, but in life I’ve really learned to embrace it. Life’s too short to enclose yourself and hibernate. I enjoy showing my scars and wounds. I find myself obtaining some sort of pride and confidence in showing them. I mean, everyone has them anyway. A lot of people who have read my blog have personally come up to me to tell me how much they respect my writing and how they appreciate having something to read and actually relate to. Well that is another reason I will continue doing it. Forget being discrete. Too many people sugar coat everything. No sugar coating here, I’m going to give it to you unsweetened this time.
Relationships are something that every single person experiences. So it’s a popular and great topic for music. It brings out the bad in you, the good in you, the confused in you, and an array of different feelings, emotions, and memories. As I’m in my mid 20’s, I’d say that mainly everyone around this age has at least been in love, or felt some kind of love in one or more of their relationships they’ve had so far. And if you haven’t yet, I’d say that despite the shitty experiences it can bring at times, that you’re missing out.
Everyone’s reached a point in a long-term relationship where you find yourself staring out during a heated argument, an awkwardly silent dinner date, or dry phone conversation and think to yourself “How the hell did we get here?” . . . Good question. How did we get there? Well, I’ll tell you.
You perhaps reached a point where you’ve cursed at each other a few times in the midst of a bad argument, which then turns into freely cursing at each other and it having no real effect anymore. Or maybe you reached a point where you’ve done something to lose trust, which leads to faulty assumptions, accusations on each other, and constant questioning. Maybe you’ve come to a point where you’ve caught them flat out lying to you, which turns to resentment and bitterness. Or hey, maybe that spark just isn’t there anymore and you don’t really know why, and you’ll find yourself constantly searching high and low for what went wrong. Or maybe it’s been so long with ins and outs, ups and downs, and going back and forth to lead into total inconsistency that you find yourself in a whirl-win of complete confusion. And although it took a couple of years, I...was at a point like this.
We all know people who complain about their relationship constantly, or you have that friend calling you weekly crying because they are always getting hurt, or the couple sitting at dinner not saying a word the entire meal, as they secretly despise the other’s breathing patterns. And yeah, that may not be you. But everyone’s been at a point where you’re asking yourself more than once “Is this really right?”
I have sincere advice to those in this predicament or getting over a similar predicament. There is hope. And I promise you, even if you feel you’re standing alone in the middle of a completely dark and scary tunnel, that there is light at the end of it. If you feel lost, if you feel crushed, or your spirit is broken, or you have lost all faith in your own fucking happiness, there will be a day where you no longer feel this.
Loneliness is to blame for many people going back to the same person that they know is wrong for them. You constantly focus on the “good times” (that if you really think about it, are no longer that recent anymore). You absolutely can know if the bad times are outweighing the good, whether you try to look on the positive or not. I beg of you to ask yourself the simplest question of them all, “Am I happy?” And if you have to even remotely think about it, ponder it, hesitate, or find that your justifying yourself. Than you should know your answer.
And especially after it has been a long while, you feel even more obligated or empowered to prove to yourself that it can work. That’s good to a degree, but it is a fine line that can head directly toward resentment and honestly, time wasted. Everyone deserves effortless and true happiness. If you find yourself struggling to barely make it through a week of being happy and not arguing with someone, than please do BOTH of you a favor and maturely move on. Happiness should not be a chore, it should be natural and present without large effort. Think vacation...not work. And once you free yourself of this burden, you will allow yourself the possibilities of ideally finding someone who it will be effortless with.
I was once in that dark tunnel, confused, bitter, lonely, and lost. And that same tunnel is brighter than ever and now lined with LEDs that have been installed. I feel more mature and after all the pile of mistakes, I am humbly grateful for the experience because I now fully understand what I am and am not capable of dealing with in a relationship. Like anything in life, you live and you learn. You better yourself. So cherish the growth of it all, at the very least. I appreciate and respect what I had, but in life, sometimes things don’t work out and you have to just accept that and realize there are other good things in store in your future. I feel more excited about life and more inspired to write on this blog and make my music and more importantly, inspire others, than I ever have before.
Remember, life is too short to waste time being unhappy. You want to fight for things in life, but don’t turn it into fighting yourself. Go with your gut. Go with what you know is right for you. And then...and only then...will you truly be able to find happiness. And don’t be scared to put yourself out there. Display your emotions, show your wounds, and wear your scars with pride, because after-all, like they say, they didn’t succeed in killing you.
"Tug of War" - Erika Alexa
No comments:
Post a Comment