Whether it’s an overly embarrassing moment in your life, yet another failed relationship, a time where you blatantly lied, or a moment you did something you regretted and now have guilt, you have life ghosts that may haunt you not only when night falls, but even when the sun is shining brightly. And not all “haunting” things have to be negative, even good times can haunt you...especially good times that are basically irrelevant now. Perhaps happy times with an old flame that has turned into a stranger, a time of smiles with someone who passed that you loved dearly, or an unforgettable night out on the town with an ex-friend.
And what about secrets, or private information you find out about someone? Perhaps someone you respect a lot, a friend, a colleague, a family member, or even a significant other. We all say “Oh, I don’t judge”. But in all honesty we all do to a degree don’t we? To “judge” by definition, is to form an opinion or evaluation. I mean, almost all of us are opinionated assholes deep down in our core. So regardless, even if you try not to, you have some sort of feeling or “opinion” toward pretty much everything in life don’t you? So that being said, no matter who is it, or what it is, inevitably we will probably “judge.” And not necessarily the “judge” that has a bad connotation associated to its name, but the actual definition of the word.
Now we all have ghosts in our past. I think I could speak for nearly everyone in saying that no one has a past completely filled with cheesing smiles, cackling laughs, and fields of tulips. I mean everyone has things they may not be proud of, or regret, or wouldn't necessarily shout out at a business meeting or talk about on a first date. And especially if you are building a friendship with someone or a relationship with someone, it can be difficult to not let some of this information haunt you a bit. Usually these types of secrets, high confidential, or personal information you find out about someone, if it’s not how they donated $50,000 to charity or drove their grandmother to a doctor’s appointment, you might be a bit taken back by some of the stuff from their past. And unless you are friends with or dating a saint living on earth, this is an inevitable occurrence.
Like most things in life, this situation can go more than one way. The saying goes “what you don’t know won’t hurt you.” Let’s take a minute and think about what truth this statement really holds. Now, this person can hide these past ghosts from you and cover your ears from the horror stories like a child, but anyone who’s lived and anyone who perceives any emotion in other people will be able or smart enough to know that they are not receiving the full story, if any of it at all. We are all aware that every story has a beginning, middle, and end and almost always has a climax and a turn of events where the hero is brought down into trouble and usually overcomes it. But even the hero at times falls a bit short or perhaps falls and plummets to their death. It’s like watching an interesting movie and seeing the beginning and just skipping to the final credits. Aren't you curious what happens in the middle?
The other option is this person tells you. They let you in on their past, good and bad, thick and thin. At least they care about you enough, and more importantly, genuinely trust and confide in you to tell you these things, right? Don’t forget, it’s hard to show someone all your past demons. And yes you may have to deal with a few things you may not love to hear. But wouldn't you rather know? Personally, I think knowing is better than not knowing. I want to watch the entire movie...and then decide if I want to buy it on DVD to keep forever.
Remember, digging in the past will never really help your present or your future, especially with anyone you care a lot about. You can dig back there all you want, but you will usually come back with your hands dirty, feeling exhausted and grumpy, and it’ll still be there regardless if you tried to plug all the dark holes up with dirt.
The past is the past for a reason. It’s set in stone, not able to be erased, unchangeable, and quite frankly and most importantly, usually very irrelevant. So I say, hear the story, face the ghosts and goblins, battle off the demons, and then keep it pushing forward. Unless the person murdered someone or hijacked a plane of traveling infants, I’d say most things are forgivable, forgettable, or something you can cope with and move on, right?
And don’t forget to look at yourself and remember that you’re not perfect either. Luckily no one is. So we all have something we can relate to each other with...the fact that we are all perfectly imperfect. After-all the past is what shapes us, molds us, educates us, changes us, and makes us who we are right at this very moment. Like I said, no one has a perfect past, just be grateful it’s made us the good people we are today, despite the few not so great things haunting us back there.
So I say, take this time to appreciate those who have truly trusted you enough to let you see their past ghosts and to accept them despite their demons, despite their hardships, and despite their not so shining moments. Because we all have angels, successes, and star moments that we can display as well, and that hopefully outdo any negative ones.
Also, keep in mind that when you trust someone enough to know all of your past, you wouldn't want them judging you completely either would you? No, I guarantee you wouldn't. Life is too short to let the past stagger your present or prevent you from moving into a wonderful future. What’s good about the present is that you can control it, unlike the past. And what’s good about the future is we all still have air in our lungs to be appreciative enough to have one! So let's make sure we make it count.
Despite some of the ghosts and goblins...I think I like the excitement, suspense, and thrill of it. I mean after-all, who doesn't like a good scary movie anyway? If life is a movie, all of ours would be the first one of its kind.....a romance, comedy, family, documentary, mystery, fantasy, crime, biography, musical, thriller, suspense, horror, action, drama film. And I must say, I love the fact that we can have it all in one. I just want mine to have laughs overcome the cries, smiles overcome the frowns, solve a few mysteries, show my real self, kill the bad guys, withstand some explosions, dance to some good music, float in the clouds, survive the shootouts, save a few lives...and be lucky enough to have a really awesome handsome young stallion save me from all the chaos.
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