What's on your mind?

The other day I began thinking...when did I get a facebook account? And crazy thing is, I honestly couldn’t remember exactly when I signed on to this amazing/evil thing. But hey, if it wasn’t for facebook, we wouldn’t keep in touch with a lot of our college friends, distant family members, busy co-workers, friends of friends, acquaintances, or hell, we wouldn’t be putting stupid comments on our best friends wall even though we’ll see them in 20 minutes.

Our world is now consumed with facebook. We have applications on our iPhones, it’s our landing page for our internet homepage, we sneak it at work, we are on it waiting at the doctor’s office, you’re updating your status as you almost swerve into traffic driving to work, you’re barely listening to the conversation your mother is having with you because you’re too busy scrolling through your friend’s “Drunk Night Out” photo album...What has happened to us?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on it. Although certain things about it can consume your mind for hours with mind-numbing posts, comments, pictures, events, videos, and random irrelevant status updates...the thing is damn entertaining when you’re bored at times. And hell, how would I promote any of my music or this very blog? So hey, I’m all on board.

But I had a epiphany the other day about this intriguing and sometimes addicting Web site. I realized that facebook can help you weed out people who have WAY too much time on their hands. ‘Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?’

Let me clarify. I’m not talking about people who actually have something useful to post, and perhaps it may be on a frequent basis. If your life is that interesting and eventful than I applaud you, but if you’re updating your status to let us know you’re bored, you picked up your dog at the vet, you bought a new sweatshirt at the mall, or you are currently sneezing up a storm....umm, I think I speak for nearly everyone when I say “We don’t care.” These types of people have way too much time on their hands.

Also, facebook helps you realize not only how much people stalk each other but how purely immature certain people are. I’m not talking about the highschool girls looking up that cute kid in their biology class either, I’m talking about people in their mid 20s acting like they are 15 years old. 

I’ve seen and heard it all...we all have. The creepy 40 year old friend requesting you including a message saying “Nice profile pic ;) “, the stalker ex trying to look up all your photo albums, or the immature poor souls who make it a point to use facebook as a “hater” outlet. And I am bringing this to light because way too many have to encounter these people and it’s about time someone called them out.

I’m not opposed to voicing your opinion and speaking out on this social networking medium, I mean that’s what it is there for. But next time you take the energy, time, and effort to post a status bashing someone, comment sarcastically on someone’s photo because someone you don’t like is in it, or support and “like” someone’s comment that basically displays to everyone that their mind hasn’t passed the 2nd grade...please ask yourself “Who’s looking stupid here?” Because the answer is you.

Not only does it make you seem like you have nothing better or more important to do with your time, but it makes the person who you are commenting about seem very very important to you. You look pathetic, immature, and honestly...it’s somewhat sad. We feel bad for you, don’t worry.

Let’s try to use facebook and the other sites alike, for positivity, humor, fun, and for good. And yes, the occasional rant, venting session, and pointless remark is more than welcome, but make sure you’re keeping your dignity and your class. Do you really want to display to the entire world that you’re lacking it? I think not.

If you have issues with someone or something, please address it maturely. Unfortunately for you, we graduated high school many years ago now. Basically, if you can’t fix a problem or insecurity you have within yourself, or with the appropriate people in your life...using facebook as a means to alert people that you’re bothered by something, annoyed at something, or upset, makes you seem weak. Do us all a favor (and more so, yourself a favor) and find a way to boost your confidence and address your needs to the right people, instead of making yourself look immature.

To those of you who are receiving the hate, hearing about and seeing the comments...feel happy, feel blessed, and feel important. These people are taking precious time out of their day to do, say, and post something for you, let’s not be rude and show some appreciation shall we?

And to all those stuck in immaturity, don’t you see we are too busy with our careers, dreams, passions, good relationships, family, friends, and lives to be bothered with your nonsense? Hey, don’t forget to look up, because the adult, mature-minded folks up here shall wave down to you from the pedestal that you put us on.

And first place goes to......the nice guy.

       The old myth that people like “the chase”...Whether it was a friend, a co-worker, your mom, or a stranger at the bar, at one point you all have received the ancient-old advice to “play hard to get.”

       More than likely this “golden” tip was given to you a long time ago and for those who may have just heard his recently, than I am just in time for you.

       The notion is basically, don’t be “too available”, don’t be “too open”, don’t be “too involved”, or “too attached.” Some say this piece of advice is crucial during the beginning stages of a blossoming relationship. Quite frankly I am just not sure how much I find this theory to even be plausible at all. I mean, I can understand not blowing up the guy’s phone 100 times that you just met at the grocery store 2 days ago...but since when does acting like you’re disinterested gain you any rewards?

       This got me thinking...

       Ladies, how many times have you heard guy’s say “Oh, girls love assholes” or “the nice guys always finish last”? About a buzzillion, right? And gentleman, how many times have you heard a women say “Oh, guys need a girl who is a bitch”?

       Who the hell decided any of these statements are truthful? For those of you finding either of these statements as justifiable, let me please bluntly and quickly burst your bubble.

       I doubt anyone “wants” or “loves” an asshole. And excuse me, but any guy who has EVER been an asshole, “Mr. Suave”, too cool, or acted disinterested towards me, not only never got my phone number but more than likely our conversation only lasted just long enough for me to let him know that I’d rather go home and play a video game on my couch than continue speaking with him. And I’ve seen and heard plenty of my guy friends go talk to a girl somewhere with a bitch attitude and come back and say “She was cute, but she was a bitch...forget it.”

       Honestly, women and men...I think we both have some work to do to get ride of this theory that we both love people who basically suck. I will also be candid and say that girl you know still dating the guy who treats her like crap or the guy you know who constantly gets bossed around by his snobby-ass girlfriend have low self-esteem, feel they can’t get anyone else, and sadly enough some people just don’t want to put the risk, time or energy into dating again, being alone, or finding someone worth it. And I’m sure there are many other reasons people allow themselves to remain in an unpleasant situation...but hey, that’s just my thoughts.

       So you meet an interesting girl at the bar and you exchange phone numbers. You immediately like each other. Two days later she texts you to go grab a bite to eat and you sit smirking, staring at your inbox and you decide to “play it cool” and close your phone without responding. The girl doesn’t hear from you until the next day when you decide you’ve played it “cool” long enough and text her back.

       Little do you know the damage you’ve already caused in such a short time. Now she won’t answer you right away either. She knows your little scheme here and she’ll be damned if she appears desperate and decides to ignore you until the next day in return. And the cycle of things of this nature will continue for God knows how long. Yes it sounds petty...but we have ALL been there and seen others partaking in this nonsense, admit it.

       Since when does acting disinterested show you’re interested?...Seems ironic, doesn’t it? And we sit here and wonder why we all treat each other like shit...go figure.

       Now let’s backtrack a bit. So the “playing hard to get” thing, what happens than when you are with someone a long time? Or you live with them? Or you’re married? Or have kids together? Do we really need to still “play” anything?! I mean, when do the games ever really come to a close?

       And a lot of this comes down to plain effort sometimes. Why don’t we all use the effort and energy we spend toward playing hard to get and act how we REALLY feel?

       And while we are on the topic of efforts, let’s dive into that a bit too. So many people complain of or fear the lack of effort from their significant other. Most people have this theory of the “honeymoon” stage. Whether it’s a month, a few months, or as little as a couple weeks, people have a definitive amount of time when this “phase” comes to a close.

       I agree with the honeymoon stage lasting only a specific amount of time but the important difference in my belief is that I have a completely different definition of what the honeymoon stage actual entails.

       Too many people have this general belief that during the honeymoon stage you are so in love, infatuated, giddy and extremely happy. Both of you are fully devoted, displaying effort, you’re going on fun dates, you’re laughing, you’re inspired...and all of a sudden a few months goes by and you “really get to know that person” and all of this happiness and fun comes to an abrupt halt...What the fuck?

       Hey, I’m not saying this doesn’t happen to people. I know it has, it still does, and it will continue to happen, but does that mean we need to pump belief into such a negative message? Just because it happens to some doesn’t mean all of a sudden it is a universal rule of thumb. My belief of a honeymoon stage is going from being scared to eating in front of each other to a few months later eating ribs and having sauce all over your face and not caring. Or being comfortable enough to let out a large belch every once and a while. Not completely giving up on being romantic and caring.

       And I’m going to use this opportunity to call out the lazy people out there as well. Yeah, I’m talking to you, you who did and said all these wonderful things for your significant other and then time passed, or you got married, or you moved in, or you started seeing them every day and you’ve become less of what you used to be. Shame on you.

       Certain people get “too comfortable” after a period of time with someone and forget the importance of those little things. So you charmed someone enough to fall in love with your ass and now you’re going to get lazy?! Pshhh. That is the time to kick everything up a notch and make sure you keep the fire going strong.

       Ladies, surprise your man with his favorite homemade meal and guys don’t let any female convince you that we don’t like receiving those “just because” flowers. Sneak their favorite candy bar in their bag, buy them a card to remind them you care, when you say you’re going to make something up to them...do it. Sound cheesy? Then I’d take an educated guess in concluding that you more than likely get in and out of bed alone most days don’t you? Good luck to you.

       Romance is everything. The little things are everything. Without it, life and relationships can get quickly mundane. Yes, you don’t have to do something overly extravagant every single passing day, but once in a while is nice. And just the little things on a day to day basis truly mean a lot more than people chalk it up to be.

       So I grouped two important topics together. Let’s not get lazy or dull. Let’s not forget the importance of romance, communication, and opening up.  Let’s break the theory, notion, and stereotype that we fall for the ones who act disinterested. Acting disinterested indeed is NOT the “new” interested. It never was or shall be, in my book.

       If you care, act like it. If you want to see someone, tell them. If someone doesn’t like you saying and doing things like that than there’s a pretty good chance that they just don’t like you.

       Life is too short to not spend it wisely and to not spend it with someone you love. So don’t forget to surprise them, make them smile, and ACT INTERESTED. The lesson here is the whole “playing hard to get” bit is outdated. And if you’ve survived playing hard to get, and this so-called honeymoon stage, and you’re lucky enough to still have someone special by your side...please don’t slack on the romance and the little things. Comfortable or not, I don’t care if you’ve been together for decades...stay creative, stay romantic, and stay involved!

       Not only does the asshole not finish last, he doesn’t finish at all. In my book, bitches aint shit and the nice guy finishes FIRST.

      ....See you at the finish line people.

The Ninth Cloud

       It's a bird, it's a plane. . .no, it's me. I have been flying high in the sky lately. Look up and you'll find me.

       There has been a lot of positive changes in my life in the last several months. A little over 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend and I moved in to our very first apartment! The night before the big move, I was putting my procrastination to the test as I sat Indian-style in the center of my room at 10 pm still taping up packed boxes and folding up random clothes. As the clock ticked on, my drawers emptied, and my sleepiness increased, I looked around my room and realized I was actually moving on in my life and I was finally happy.

       My dad stood in my doorway asking me 100 times if I "needed help." I could tell he was a bit sad to see me go. Who am I kidding? He was probably more than a bit sad. But surprisingly, since I even broke the news to my dad, he has not said one negative comment or even had a single reservation about my decision to move out with my boyfriend. No "are you sure?!", no "well, be careful Erika". He legit was just happy for me and spoke positive about it. I truly think that he sees my happiness and he sees the joy in my eyes and he knows it's ok and most importantly, that I am in very good hands.

       So we talked and I packed and at one point or another we finally started loading boxes into all 4 doors of my car. Boxes labeled "winter clothes", "hair stuff", "misc", "shoes", and "more shoes" all were piled high into my backseat and trunk. 

       Once all the boxes were in, I grabbed my dry cleaned Chargers jerseys and Bebe dresses and laid them gently on the tippy top of all the boxes. And with a sigh of relief, I shut my car doors. Walking back toward my front door I clicked 'lock' on my keypad...and with the "beep" noise, I walked back inside to my now emptier room. That night, I slept like a baby.

       The next day I went into work and could not wait to leave (which isn't unusual but even more powerful on this day.) After work, I drove down to my boyfriend's house, helped him load up his car and we began our trip to the new pad with our cars loaded up with things for our new home.

       So you know the drill, we unloaded boxes, we dripped some sweat, we got things together, we unloaded some more boxes and had a living room solely consisting of brown boxes and one fabulous looking couch we purchased.

       So as you may have guessed, a lot was going on with the move. You don't even really realize all the stuff you're really going to have to buy and do until you start the process. Despite large items, like a couch, TV, dining room set, etc. There is an endless list of stuff you will need. Everything from spatulas to cotton balls, household cleaners to bath towels, laundry baskets to extension cords, and trust me, the list can and does go on. But as stressful as it may sound, if it's with the right person it can be a very smooth transition...and actually fun to do.

       And that's the thing, I've never actually wanted to live with someone before. I could hardly stand living with certain people in college! But I will say that I have no reservation, no worry, and no concern about this new chapter in my life. And honestly, my true theory and belief is that I feel this confident because for the first time in my life I absolutely KNOW that I am with the right person for me. 

       Sure, after everything I've been through, I have my little fears...but it's only because I care so much and of course the fact that I've never done this before. And now that I think of it,  I couldn't be more happy that I haven't done this before. I love the fact that this is my first time moving in with someone, and I want nothing more than for it to be my last. <3 

       To find someone who loves you, flaws included, is a very unique and amazing thing. We all have our days, our moments, and our attitudes. If someone can totally understand those things about you and hear you out and never judge you than you should feel blessed. And I sure do.

       I realize that this is a public space, anyone can view it, anyone can read it, and quite frankly that is the appeal of it for me. I didn't start writing this blog to have it be for selected people. So with that being said, there is nothing wrong in celebrating your own successes, accomplishments and happiness! And I'm allowing myself to celebrate mine.

       Not only am I working my full time job and paying my bills, but I have great and supportive friends and family, I'm involved in things I'm passionate about, and I am living and laughing everyday with the best guy I could have ever met. I am finally at this place called "Cloud 9" that people talk about. . . And damn, am I happy to have finally arrived.

       For those of you searching for love or in an unsatisfying relationship...do not settle. Yes, it is a cliche phrase but so many people do not pay attention to the true value and importance in this statement. You shouldn't be wasting time because life is too short. Don't let anyone tell you that you expect too much or that you have too high of expectations. You very well SHOULD have high expectations because someone worth it will easily fill those expectations. 

       I'll be completely honest in saying that I used to be a person who thought my expectations would never be met and that the qualities I really wanted in someone would never be realistic. And I think many people think in this mind set. We look back on our failed relationships and our tug of wars, and look at ourselves and think "God, I don't know if I'll ever find the right person." At one time I was one of these people and my boyfriend proved me wrong. And quite frankly, I think he also had that fear and I proved him wrong as well. I've never been so happy to be proven wrong.

       So my point is this...don't settle. Believe it or not, there IS someone who will be everything you had hoped. Someone who will stand up for you, who will understand you when you're being quiet, who will cheer you up when you had a bad day, who will actually listen to you whine. Someone who will know what to text you to make you smile, who will put you FIRST, who will actually give effort...everyday. Someone who will find you funny and laugh at all your jokes, who will leave you hearts on your facebook wall, who will take pictures with you, and someone who will look you in the eyes and tell you how they feel about you. Someone who will tell you your outfit looks great, who is romantic, who cares, and will let you control the TV remote. Someone who will wash the dishes after you cook a meal...without being asked to, who will remember things you say, and who when they say "I'm sorry" they mean it. Someone who knows when you're mad and will try to make it better, who will give you the last bite of their sandwich, and who will let you take their car to work when yours needs fixing. Someone who holds your hand, who gives you credit, and who supports all your journeys you want to embark on. Someone who will cook for you and enjoy it, who will lift with you at the gym, and who will let you play Call of Duty for 3 hours completely uninterrupted. Someone who does your laundry just to save you the trouble, who kisses you goodnight, who nods as you go on about your favorite football team, and who lets you pick out the movie as you stand in front of the RedBox at Walgreens. Someone who appreciates your quirks, loves you despite your flaws, trusts you, and is honest, trustworthy, and dependable. 

        Seems like a lot to ask for? Absolutely NOT. This is what we all very well deserve and than some. This is what anyone would want, so why settle for less? Don't.

       I am lucky enough to have all of those things and I'll never take it for granted. Once you find it, once you have that perfect "plus one", you too can be on Cloud 9.

       Celebrate your successes, be happy about your accomplishments and milestones in your life, be passionate, love the ones you care about...and remember, do not settle.

       So yeah, we just moved into our first apartment. Our location you ask? A little place people like to call Cloud 9. And let me tell you...the view from up here is unbelievable.