I got to thinking the other day about our dreams. As a kid you get to enjoy more of the little things in life...coloring outside the lines, watching your favorite cartoons, and dreaming of being an astronaut, a famous painter, or the lead singer in the next hit rock band. Remember that?
We tend to grow up with these high hopes of our dreams becoming a reality. Even when we are older and most of us attend college or start a trade we don’t see it coming - the truth. I remember being in college and getting my public relations degree thinking I was going to one day work at Food Network doing special events and coordinating their PR. This hope was still alive as I sat on the train one rainy Saturday afternoon heading into NYC. I had a plan.
I had researched on the internet for days about who was a good person to contact at Food Network. I forget his name but he was a human resources director. I placed my well-written resume and witty cover letter in a fancy manilla envelope and sealed it shut. Aware of my not so wonderful handwriting, I slowly addressed the envelope making sure it was my best penmanship. “Perfect”, I thought to myself.
The train arrived in NYC. It was raining but my spirits were high as I strutted to the Avenue of Americas with my best professional outfit I had in my closet at the time on and my favorite pair of black leather high heels. As I entered the building and the security officer greeted me at the door, he asked the reason for my visit. “Important correspondence for Mr. (X)” I said, smiling and somewhat nervous he was going to tell me to fuck off. After a couple seconds of hesitation “Alright, third floor to the left” he said.
As I arrived on the third floor and I saw the shiny silver Food Network sign on the wall, I walked up to the woman at the front desk and handed her my “important correspondence” (aka my resume). I said “Make sure Mr. X receives this, I will be following up with him this week.”
Confident my plan worked, I headed back to Penn Station with all the hope in the world that I would get a call...But that call never came. I left Mr. X a message a week later, like I promised the woman at the front desk I would, and still no call back.
The thing is (which I’m sure is no shock to any of you) is that not everything goes your way and not all your “dreams” will come true in life. After graduating and returning home, I took a job at a Fortune 500 pharmaceutical company and 2 years later, I left there to pursue the next step in my career and I landed a job at a publishing company where I currently work.
Since starting my first “big girl job” at the pharmaceutical company about 3 years ago now, I grew up, I matured, I lost some old friends, I gained some new friends, I went through a bad breakup, I started this blog that I love, I finally pursued music after many years of people telling me to, and I met and fell in love with the greatest guy I could ever ask for. I moved in with that great guy, we got an awesome dog, I bought myself a new car and continue to add aspirations to my “to-do” list...just because.
Needless to say, I gave up on my Food Network dream and replaced it with my dream of being a published author or a known blogger, and pursuing music to see what could happen.
The blogging part is easy on my budget. It’s free, I make my own schedule to work on it, and it makes me happy. Making music has helped me grow, it honestly makes me proud of myself and excited to be able to share something with other people. The reality of it though is that paying for my college loans, my car, my bills, along with trying to save for vacations and a future home with J...well, it’s difficult to dish out $75 an hour for a studio.
Despite the financial burdens of pursuing my love of making music, I will not give it up. Lucky for me I’ve met some talented people who are willing to help me out (I’m planning to make a trip soon to go record a few songs with some of them and I also just finished shooting a music video, etc). Essentially, although it is not happening at a rapid pace, I am making it happen piece by piece.
But as I sat at my desk at work the other day and stared off, zoning out at my different colored folders stacked neatly in a pile, white printer paper with many different “reminders” and “pending” projects to complete, rate sheets, Excel print outs, post-it notes, and your standard blue and black pens...I thought to myself, “Could this be it?”
I mean think about it, you see people who have worked at their desk jobs for 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Is this wrong? No. But think back to when you were a kid. The same kid watching Sunday morning cartoons, coloring and dreaming of being the next big musician or actor or chef. Even when you were in college sitting in a then “pointless” Art History lecture, just knowing that when you got that diploma - that piece of paper that cost you $85,000...that you could THEN get out there in the real world and make a difference. I mean, we all thought that at one point. I know I did.
Would your inner kid and college student look down on you now and be disappointed? No one wants to hear this, but sometimes you’re not making the “difference” you thought you would be...and instead you find yourself just making a paycheck.
As I was wondering all of this at my desk, waiting for the clock to hit 4:30 so I could get home to make dinner, it hit me...I very well may never be a famous blogger or writer and perhaps no one who could change my course of life will ever hear any of my music. I might just be left with a couple of my songs in the shuffle of a few of my friends iTunes playlists and some YouTube videos online. And hey, not many people can say that...so I guess I’m alright with that too. Those are things I will have forever.
That’s the funny thing about life, not everything is about talent or passion. Yes, it is a requirement to making your dreams come true, but it is not the entirety of it. Talent, passion and the final ingredient...luck. Sure, people like Bobby Flay, Quentin Tarentino and Robert De Niro could drop out of high school and still become super stars, but they are the lucky ones. Having the right talent, knowing the right people, being at the right place at the right time.
Shit, if everyone got lucky there would be no casinos in Vegas, there would be no NJ Lottery, there would be no contests. Your dreams in life are like a casino. Many people go there with high hopes of being the next big winner, and hell, you could be the best Black Jack player in the world...but we all know the house usually wins. And if we all are well-aware that the house usually wins...why do we still go? The hope of winning. The hope of beating the odds. Like the great quote from Shawshank Redemption goes - “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
So my advice is go out there and follow your dreams. No matter how big or small. At the very least, whatever it is you dream, keep it in your life. I love to write and make music...and I may never have a NY Times best-selling book or a Billboard 100 hit song, but I’ll have my passions alive and I’ll ensure that they are playing a special role in my life.
The moral of the story is, keep your dreams alive...but just in case you wake up and you’re 45 or 50 or whatever age it is that you realize that your big dream didn’t actually come true or work out...just be happy you’re alive and that you are still able to paint or write or sing or cook or play guitar. Whatever it is you do, be happy you can still do it for yourself. Be happy you tried, be happy you have a talent or a passion you love that you can keep with you forever. Save your drawings, save your songs, save that screenplay you wrote in college. It’s worth a lot more than you think. If you do this, no matter what age it is that you wake up and have this realization...you can be satisfied with your efforts.
Just know that perhaps life had a different path for you, perhaps we were meant to work a 9-5 and be a good mom, or a good husband, or a good volunteer, or good business person. The reality of life is we can’t all be Picassos, De Niros, Madonnas or walk on the moon. And I realized...that is completely okay.
