Get Out Of Your Own Way

       So on Wednesday night my boyfriend and I went to a concert I'd really been wanting to go to for a while. Some of you may have heard of him...Mac Miller. Here's this 19 year old white kid who made YouTube videos to his songs he would record in his friend's basement. He got so many views that bloggers started writing about him, people starting subscribing to him online and now he's touring the world. And he's touring it without a record deal. This independent artist is calling the shots, making his own moves, and doing it all with his friends and his OWN crew of people. And just 2 months ago, with the help of Twitter and Facebook, he marketed his album so well that it hit number 1 on the Billboard charts...The first time an independent artist hit number one in the last 16 years. Whether you like his music or not, you have to respect the kid’s ambition. So, writing music, having your best friends standing on stage with you at every show, reaching millions of people, and being able to hear a large crowd singing the lyrics to your songs..all without restrictions, without someone telling you you need to, without any deadlines, or contracts. Talk about a life. And a life that I WANT.

       We arrived at House of Blues in Atlantic City around 7 PM. Once the doors opened, we found our way to a decent spot within a nice distance of the stage. I was grateful, considering I am barely 5'1 and I could actually see the stage. Despite drunken idiots almost falling over on us, weed smokers blowing smoke in our faces, and the occasional asshole trying to "excuse" his way in front of you so he could see better...we had a good time. Although, considering my boyfriend and I both have no tolerance for people being inappropriate, we were capable of keeping each other calm in the midst of people pulling at our last nerves. Nothing like two sober "don't take shit from anyone" people standing right in the middle of a sea of drunks.

       Once 9 PM hit, we heard people coming out on stage, but we were fooled. It was not Mac Miller, it was two dudes that were about to make our ears bleed. Two guys (one with a beanie on that said "Ape") rapped several songs that consisted of screaming one word into the microphone over and over and over. "BASS! BASS! BASS! BASS! HANDS! HANDS! HANDS!" we heard, with the occasional "click-clack" noise of a gun that the DJ would mix in. Anyone who knows my passion for my music can envision the look on my face. I was immediately filled with anger, resentment, jealousy, and somewhat humor. I looked back at my boyfriend and luckily he could read my lips: "Seriously?!" I mouthed to him as he rolled his eyes. He believes in me and appreciates my songs, so he too understood my bewilderment.

       I sincerely do not mean to be a hater but when you do certain music and then you hear someone giving it a bad name, butchering it, or totally being a talent-less smuck...you feel annoyed. Not only that but most importantly, I felt more so than ever "if THEY can do it, I can do it". . .So I stood there, cracking jokes about them and drinking my invisible bottle of justified haterade. Soon, the group was off stage and we impatiently awaited for Mac Miller to come on.

       As the curtains opened and one of my favorite songs "Best Day Ever" began...I was so excited. I grabbed my boyfriend's hand and was singing every lyric so loud that you could hear me over everyone surrounding us. As the concert went on and the heat in the room rose, my black long-sleeve shirt was now tied around my waist (thank God I wore a tank-top underneath), weed smoke filled the air, and both of our lungs hurt already. We suddenly looked at each other and realized "box seats next time". We were getting a little too old for the general admission tickets.

       Despite this realization, we continued to enjoy the concert. Mac sang a lot of our favorite songs, he even pulled out his guitar and played a Sublime song as we all sang along. At one point he stopped the music and went on to say that "Dreams come true". While he explained his journey of going from a no one to a someone and now being able to perform for us on the stage he stood on...I was touched. Call it corny, but I felt an overwhelming inspiration. I felt filled with light and possibility. And I remembered again, if those two idiots screaming one word for 3 minutes could somehow, some way, make it far enough to open for Mac...than why couldn't I do something similar? Or at the very least, why shouldn't I at least TRY?

       Before you knew it Mac was finishing the night on one of his biggest songs. "Hopefully, I'll be at the top soon...for now I'm at my house, on the couch, watching cartoons..." As the lights went out, the cheers rumbled the room. And as we quickly headed for the exit, I couldn't stop thinking to myself: "I. Want. To. Do. That."

       So maybe I'm over-achieving, maybe I'm biting off more than I can chew, maybe I'm reaching too high in the stars, maybe I'm getting my own hopes too high, maybe I'm expecting too much, maybe I'm not being people's version of "realistic". But why should I stop? Why should I throw my arms up and say "Oh well, too high of a goal" or "I'll just give it up, it's not "realistic" enough?" Do you think Mac Miller did that? No. Even those 2 idiots barely getting through a song before he came on probably believe in themselves enough that they created an opportunity to open up at a sold out show at the House of Blues. And it's not like I don't have the resources. I have the friends who are kind enough to send me instrumentals, I have the microphone, the studio headphones, the writing abilities, the passion, the voice, the access to studios and talented people, and call me cocky, but I know I have the talent. I will keep making songs, I will work on ensuring I have some legit music videos to post on YouTube in this coming year, I will find more people to collaborate with, I will promote myself, I will keep writing, I will keep singing, I will keep rapping, I will keep my hopes high, and I will believe in my passions in life. If we don't believe in what we love to do...than I ask, what is truly the point? Even if we don’t wind up fully making it exactly where we may have hoped, we can feel confident that our dreams are active in our lives. Even if I do stay at a 9 to 5 for the remainder of my life, I'll still have music to show my friends and friends of friends...I'll still have songs to work on in my spare time, I'll still have this blog for people to read,  I'll still have passion, and I'll never be able to say that my dreams aren't a part of my daily life. And THAT my friends, is the true point. Although we may not always make it precisely to where we want to go, we will never stand a chance if we don't actively pursue it.

       In a world where sometimes dreams come to die, you must fight to keep yours very much alive. And it's very true, the only real person in your way...is yourself. Don’t let your own self doubts stagger your growth. Don't live by anyone else's standards or expectations but your own. And no matter what, TRY.

       You want to write a book? Write it. You want to build an invention? Do it. You want to find that dream job? Start applying. You want to make music? Start singing. You want to play guitar? Teach yourself. You want to reach people? Start a blog. You want to follow your dreams? Start now. 

       So no matter how large or small of a goal, clear a path toward it, start walking, and get the hell out of your own way.

Social NotWorking

       So in the midst of doing some research early this morning, I came across this article disclosing that a study from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that Facebook & social networking sites have been linked to divorces in America. 66% of divorces to be exact. And I'd love to say that I was shocked, but I wasn't whatsoever. 

       My first thought was perhaps these were "older" folks, who didn't have the luxury we had to somewhat "grow up" with social networking. And it is possible that due to their lack of experience, knowledge, and understanding of these sites, they fell victim to their sometimes overwhelming bullshit. With that said, then I wondered, just because we are more well-versed on these mediums does that make us invincible to their potential harm? 

       I have one too many friends, guy or girl, (and I'm sure you have too) that have been upset at something they see on Facebook, Twitter, etc. And hey, I'm no saint. I've had my ass chapped a time or two in my day. But in reality, what's it all worth?

       So let's take a look. People mainly would say "It's just Facebook, not a big deal", "not worth it", etc. And these folks have a very valid point here. But on the flip side, why should anyone have to deal with any of it to begin with? In all reality, you can be in a successful relationship and not piss your partner off because of something on Facebook. It IS possible ya know. We all know people in relationships with the knowledge of what sites like Facebook do to people/relationships and yet, they still put themselves in these positions.

Do you really need to 'like' that random dudes picture from college where he's dressed up to go out?

Do you really need to remain 'friends' with your ex's family?

Do you really need to have 1,789 friends on your page?

Do you really need to 'like', 'comment', 'message' on anything or anyone remotely related to a person you not so long ago dated?

Do you really need to "follow" some half-naked wanna be famous broad or dude on your Twitter page?

Do you really need to stay connected with certain people who have no real value or relevance to your current life or relationship?

       If you are in a serious and committed relationship, the answer to ALL of these questions should very easily be 'No'.

       So now you see it from the flip side. Yes, it's not a big deal...but maybe it is a big deal that some of you don't notice your capabilities to decrease the level of annoyance, if not erase it completely. It is within OUR power to allow people into our social networking life. We chose to interact, we chose to "follow", we chose to 'like' or 'comment', we chose to befriend someone or deny their request. It is our very own doing. And perhaps your significant other isn't thrilled with your part of the deal. Sounds a bit more clear now doesn't it?

       Considering I've heard of many situations of this nature and I’m sure we all have an understanding of it in the age we are growing up in...I felt it deemed some relevance in this entry. And I'm not saying that your past relationships don't shape you or that they weren’t a part of your life. I'm not even saying that some people don't remain somewhat friendly with their ex (although I’ve never heard of their current partner jumping for joy). But usually in the grand scheme of life, there comes a time and a place to close some doors and cut some ties. The past is the past for a reason, and it’s usually a good one. So if certain people from your past or certain people who aren't a value to your future are still lurking around...we should make the decision to actively detach ourselves.

       We live in a world of constant connection. And I'm not talking only sites like Facebook and Twitter...not only can people text and email much easier and faster now, but even applications like FourSquare and HeyTell can give you access to message someone without anyone even knowing about it. Hell, even the gaming center on your iPhone freely serves up your email address for people to contact you.

       And trust is key. Yes, we trust our partners don't we? But from a lot of the people I've seen in these situations, and from my analysis as well, I think it is the worry of having to trust other people...strangers..friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, people with certain applications, emails, texts, phone numbers. AHHHH social media connection OVERLOAD.

       With all the 'likes', 'follows', 'messages', ‘photos’, 'chats', 'comments', 'emails', 'texts', 'pokes', ‘subscriptions’, 'friends', ‘statuses’, ‘tweets’ and 'networking' going on, I ask...will our relationships survive?

       If people who have devoted their life to each other in marriage have had social media be the culprit to their problems...how the hell are we safe? Mark Zuckerberg is probably sitting back on a yacht somewhere throwing his billions in the air as he chuckles to himself from the mania he has caused.

       If your single, great. But if you are in a serious relationship, engaged to be married, living together, already married, about to have kids, or anything of the like...it's never too late to make some strides to ensure your relationship will stand the test of time. And trust me, there is a decent amount of time to stand.

       Facebook. Twitter. Blaa Blaa Blaa. What purpose does it REALLY serve us? Ok, I'll give you a second to think about it.....NOTHING. Seeing a bunch of pointless photos from the kid you talked to once in high school, what event your ex from college is attending this weekend, what sarcastic remark your friend has about the football game last night or a complete album dedicated to babies drooling doesn't benefit anyone...and certainly doesn't benefit your relationship. So why are we fighting so hard to hold onto it?

       Your REAL friends will know your phone number to contact you. You don't need Facebook to stay in touch. These sites are evil in the fact that everything you do, say, or interact with is judged by others. And not only judged but I think more importantly, it is all constantly open to interpretation. Your partner, or anyone else for that matter, doesn’t really understand all the intent in certain things, the background story, or the updates. The interpretation and curiosity is what fuels many arguments in this arena. Shit, even companies won’t hire you for your immature profile picture or the fact you ‘liked’ the “Big Tits In America” group. 

       Hey, no one is perfect. Shit happens. But if it takes completely deleting your otherwise irrelevant account or at the very least deleting or unfollowing people off your page until you’re down to 100 REAL friends, blocking certain stalkers or people of concern, deleting photos, detagging yourself, ensuring your privacy settings are at their most effective and perhaps not logging on as much...to keep your relationship protected of pointless harm, why wouldn’t you do it?

       And I’m not saying we all need to never use any of these mediums again for the rest of our lives, but we could all use some awakening on this topic and each individual knows what is best for them and their relationships. But our relationships and our futures are more important than any social media. It’s sad that’s even a sentence written out in this blog, but times have changed and in turn, so have our ways of connecting to people. Apparently it is worthy of discussing, given that people are throwing in the towel in their long-term relationships and even marriages, with this being one of the reasons to blame.

       Ya know how a lot of people say you need to “Stay Connected”...well I say you should always stay a bit disconnected. If you want a successful future let’s make some effective decisions all around. Shut some long overdue open doors, turn over some new leaves, close some chapters in our book, and do the right things. The future of our relationships and marriages depend on it.

       So, don’t “like” it...enjoy it.

       Don’t “post” something...say something.

       Don’t “send a message”...make a phone call.

       Don’t read a “newsfeed”...read a book.

       Don’t  “share” a story...be a part of one.

       Don’t “subscribe” to a person...subscribe to a blog.

       Don’t “change a picture”...change a life.

       Don’t “follow”...lead.

       And don’t “tweet” about it......BE ABOUT IT.