The Single Standard

       Before you begin reading, I just want to clarify that I simply felt this topic deserved some "airing out" if you will. This isn't a worldwide plea for women's rights or a sudden announcement that I've become sexist. I just do believe it is time we address this to set the record straight. I usually make it a point to be neutral in my writings, because that is how I am. But I had to (for once) have an entry that reflects the female point of view on some things. I am a female, after-all. So guys here's the deal: You can think I'm being sexist and not get anything from this (which proves you more than likely fall into one of these types described below), you can think "Wow, I'm ahead of the game" in realization that you are not one of these types, & for those of you falling somewhere in the middle...well, than I'll say 'you're welcome' in advance for the heads-up advice on females you are about to receive. 

      So I was overhearing one of my guy friends speak of a bachelor party the other night over dinner and he was asked with enthusiasm "So, did you see strippers or what!?" Although surprisingly, it turned out to just be a fun guys night out with no strippers...this little conversation that I'm sure so many of us have been a part of really got me thinking.

       Guys and girls, yes we are different...but why should our standards be? 

       Let's look at all the things I've come to collect from most guys that is considered "cool", "acceptable", "okay", and given the green light:

Strippers, strip clubs, and bachelor parties

       If a girl partakes in going to see a bunch of guys in banana hammocks swinging their johnsons in their face all night, I'd doubt their boyfriend/fiance/husband would be jumping for joy in his overwhelming excitement. Also, to some people she may even seem classless, dirty, and kind of "wild"? Yeah, go figure. Yet, guys consider this to be totally fine in their arena. Believe it or not, I believe you come off equally as classless. And as far as hiring a stripper for your boy & husband-to-be...way to respect the fact he's devoting himself to the love of his life within the next of couple days. Good job. "Oh, you just HAVE to have G-strings and asses and tits in your face all while being under the influence of massive amounts of alcohol (and God knows what else) before you get married. It's just a MUST." As far as all that crap goes...and the fact that it's looked at as your "last night of freedom" so you have to have trashy hookers in your hotel suite seems juvenile. The days before you're wedding should never be looked at as "your last days of freedom" it should be looked at as the few days before your wedding.

Pictures of half-naked girls all over your walls, computer backgrounds, and cell phones

       First of all, most guys probably don't even know what this means for a girl to do it, because most of us don't. Surprisingly, we  actually don't need to have a constant reminder to anyone else coming into our house, logging into our computer, or using our phone to know we like the opposite sex. I wonder why guys even do that? I doubt you're really sitting in your kitchen whacking off to the picture of the half-naked Bud Light girl hanging above your sink. Do you do it because you think other guys think it's "cool"? Because you SHOULD be more interested in impressing your potential next lady with charm and respect. Any girl who walks in is going to think you're a typical douche & also think you somehow forgot to throw away your old college decor. Two words: Grow up.

Porn, fake boobs, and barbie doll look-a-like fanatics

       This one is going to chap some of your asses but that's what I'm here for. I'm not saying that porn isn't something everyone's dabble with or that some of you do not enjoy. And hey, if you enjoy it together that's one thing. But let me be clear in saying, if you are single and particularly lonely, by no means am I charging you with any crime for doing what you think may help you in the mean time. This section is more for guys who have a woman in their life...aka the REAL thing. What in God's name are you doing? Are you that sex-hungry, typical, and creepy that you just can't bare waiting for your sexy girl to come home and have the real life thing? If so, please remain single and spare us your bullshit..Thanks. Any guy in a relationship who is obsessed with fake boobs and porn-star look a likes please help me understand why you aren't working as a camera guy on set than? Because you serve no purpose in the real world. Any guy who cares more about your boob-size than how you treat him is just as fake as the silicone in Pamela Anderson's chest. These types of guys couldn't have a real, intellectual, in-depth conversation to save their boob-obsessed lives, move on. 

The more people you sleep with, the cooler you are

       This one's the classic argument of girls being sluts if they sleep around & guys getting a congratulatory slap on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you've heard this a million times but I can't leave this one out so deal with it. Plain and simple on this one...Obviously, if you sleep with like 10 people in the same night you're a slut...female or male. If you are single, living your life, and you contribute to the wellness of society with a job and a working brain, you can damn right do whatever you please. Ladies, we shouldn't feel ashamed because we hook up with attractive people. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Funny how if you are "experienced" some look at you as a whore & if you aren't than you're called a prude. Oh how ironic isn't it? Listen, if a guy's got a problem that you've had some sex before or wants to make rude comments about it...tell him that his ego, pride and insecurities will be the death of any future relationship he will ever attempt having.

Commenting on and blatantly looking at other females

       So you're out at a bar and you just LOVE when you're boyfriend or husband turns and stares at the girl's ass who walks by. Or he decides to turn to his friend while you're sitting there right next to him, and say something like "Wow, look at her." Sounds like a tip-top night, right? Wrong. Before any of you jump down my throat, I'm not saying no one is allowed to look or that you're never going to think someone of the opposite sex is attractive blah blah blah. But really? I love the guys who go with the "Oh...well my girl can join in and enjoy it...gibberish gibberish gibberish." I bet most of these guys with this defense are more than likely single and if they aren't, whoever is dating you should do better for herself and find someone who has some more respect for conversation around her. And hey, if you're dating a girl who enjoys that shit than good for you. My advice would be to hold on for dear life because I can assure you most of the normal human race doesn't really appreciate it. And as a heads up, I know the ladies are kinda tired of you drooling over whatever touched-up airbrushed actress, singer, athlete, or model is on TV. You want to do that?...Than don't complain when we take 2 hours getting ready for you. Listen, if you need to constantly check out, drool over, or comment on other girls, please don't DATE one.

       And in the midst of analyzing all of this, it hit me! Since the beginning of time, so many of the guys have brushed all of these things off and slapped a big "No problem, it's okay" sticker on it. And here we are generations later and it seems this is just acceptable and no big deal? The fuck? Ladies, sorry to inform you, but the men have pulled a fast one on us.

       Again, don't kill the messenger. I am just stating the obvious folks. I analyze...it's my job for this blog. So it's time to do away with the whole "double standard" and all that goes along with it. To the men who prove these double standards wrong, a sincere thank you from us ladies. And for any of you who think it still applies, know this: The standard is now single...and you should be too.

Beware the Bucket-Drainer

       A few months back I had an "off-site meeting" for work. What this means is that everyone goes to this nice building somewhere, drinks coffee, has pasta for lunch, and does an array of mind-numbing "team building" activities. Not to be a grinch but unless you're planning on becoming the CEO of the company, these meetings really do not hold any value to you. You sit quietly as you hear about the company's mission statement, about what's new in the department, business news, and a bunch of other really exciting topics. It reminds me of how I can't stop searching for a new, more interesting, job and never give up on my music or this growing blog. Anyway, my point of mentioning this is there was one good thing about this off-site meeting. We all received this book called "How Full Is Your Bucket?"

       Although the book's focus is around how to keep morale high in companies, the main concept is about a theory that we each have a "bucket" and everyday, every interaction we engage in, every person we speak to...either helps fill up our bucket or empty it.

       The theory analyzes the power of human interaction and how your mood and day can really be impacted by other people. A simple compliment on your outfit, a congrats on your recent accomplishment, or a sincere thank you for your hard work, can really alter your mood.

       Although the book mainly applies this theory to the workplace environment, I've coined this "bucket" theory and include the idea into my daily life. Now, there are two different types of people you will encounter on a daily basis: A bucket-filler and a bucket-drainer.

       The almighty bucket-filler:

       The person complimenting you, the person who smiles and says "hello" as you walk passed each other in the cereal aisle at the grocery store. The person who went out of their way to e-mail your manager at work to tell him you're a delight to work with. The person who let you merge into the lane during heavy 5 o'clock traffic. The person who gives you credit when credit is due, and the obvious...people who support you, cheer you on, believe in you, help you, are there for you, who love you and care about you.

       And it is very important to note that your bucket level doesn't always depend on direct interactions toward you. The way a person speaks or the topics they chose to discuss in your presence play a huge role in the well-being of your bucket. Being around people who constantly have mean things to speak of or puts people down, does a great deal on emptying your bucket. Which brings us to our second type of person...

       Beware of the bucket-drainer:

       The person who ALWAYS complains, the "negative Nancy", the person who never smiles at work. The person who doesn't hold the door for you entering the building even though they saw you behind them, the person who never has anything nice to say, and the obvious...people who hate on you, go against you, who don't believe in you or care for your well-being.

       And also beware of shady conversations. Having to listen to a 20-minute conversation about why someone doesn't like people of a certain race, overhearing someone bashing their significant other, or constantly hearing someone complain about their life are all types of things that, low and behold, will drain your bucket. Hey, we all have our days when we need a "bitching break". But I'm talking about a personality type, not the normal, occasional, negative thinking. I'm speaking of a true bucket-drainer here.

       And I wont leave out the fact that some people may have reasons for being this way. Maybe they grew up a certain way, maybe the were raised a certain way, maybe they had their heart broken or they hate their job. Maybe they lost an opportunity or perhaps they were sheltered as a kid.

       Despite any of these reasons, I tent to not have sympathy or understanding for these types of people. We all have our problems, issues, were raised a certain way, seen some shit, done some shit, and been through some shit. Does that give us all an excuse to go around town draining the life out of everyone else?!

       I have realized that when I was younger I used to not know how important people's vibes really were in one's life. We usually tend to try to not be rude, for the most part. So we let things slide and we sometimes try to overlook people's pointless, negative topics of conversation. Trust me, whether you realize it or not, you usually walk away with some, if not all, of your positivity drained out of you. Not only that, but I've had to listen to people being racist, arrogant, rude, or constantly sarcastic, and have walked away feeling damn right pissed off!

       As I've gotten older I've realized the importance of good-hearted people, intelligent people, positive people, and people who have something of substance to discuss. I have come to acknowledge that having "bucket-drainers" in your life is not worth it. If it's family, than I understand its hard to avoid that. But if it's someone else, you should choose to limit your interaction with them. Whether it's school, work, or just life in general, keep your bucket-drainers out of your life, or at least to a bare minimum.

       So keep this "bucket" theory in mind. Not only is it important to the well-being of your life on a daily basis, but from what I've observed, it holds a lot of truth. Also, don't forget to look at yourself...Are you a bucket-filler or bucket-drainer?

       Remember, filling other people's buckets helps fill yours! So next time someone compliments you, helps you out, or does something nice for you...don't forget to thank them for filling your bucket. And next time you're sitting at dinner or out with friends having to deal with listening to someone speaking inappropriate, offensive, or rude...know that it's your choice to be around the right people. Surround yourself with good people who will enrich your life instead of draining your positivity!

       So next time you're in an off-mood, not feeling so hot, or feeling a bit down...take a look and observe the people who you have surrounding you and ask yourself "How full is my bucket?”

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