Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...

       I always found the movie “Office Space” to be hilarious, but it was the other day while sitting in another long day of corporate meetings at work that I suddenly realized what inspired Mike Judge to write this film.

        Working in the corporate world is something many of us do. So I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. For those of you finishing up college and looking forward to working full-time, you may not find your words of inspiration in this blog entry...just a heads up. For those of you in this similar situation and working in corporate America, you will most likely relate, and perhaps even feel like you wrote this yourself.

       When I graduated WVU I went through the dreaded but sometimes exciting and sometimes disappointing job search. This consisted of constantly signing in to Careerbuilder and Monster.com with some breaks in between to go grab a granola bar to fuel up for some more online searching. I was eager to start my career and to see some more green paper in my life.

       I finally landed a job and was as happy as can be. I bought some new pressed business pants, nice summer dresses, and patent leather high heels. I was ready to at least dress the part first.

       Although the commute was less than appealing (over an hour to and from), I got to work feeling determined and accomplished every day. I volunteered to help others, I stayed late, and kept busy at all times.

       Recently, I just had my one year anniversary as a full-time working woman and I noticed the other day that I am starting to feel unfulfilled at work and borderline miserable. And I’m not saying I’m miserable every day or a miserable person, but I am saying that work has gotten to a point of altering my mood and not necessarily in a positive way.

       I find myself mad at my keyboard and at times thinking I’m burning away my eyesight as I stare at mind-numbing documents on my HP desktop computer screen. I can’t stand the voice of the woman on the phone on the other side of me talking to someone about her recently purchased red area rug for her living room.

       And then it dawned on me....

       I realized that I am starting to hate practically everything about the corporate America lifestyle and all it entails. The free cheap coffee in the break room, pressed khakis, the colorful ties, the button up shirts, suits, cuff links, the noise the printer makes when it’s running low on ink, and waiting for the elevator. The ringing phones, paper clips, stapler refills, the sound of my manager walking by, laptop bags, brief cases, security badges, and the smell of Chicken Noodle Soup in the cafeteria. Uncomfortable computer chairs, wooden desks, manila envelopes and folders, filing cabinets, online databases, “out of office” e-mails, teleconference codes, projection screens, presentations, and early morning meetings. Appointments, calendar invites on Microsoft Outlook,  “Your mailbox is full” notifications, yellow highlighters, parking passes, Post-It notes, data, deadlines, research, file, save as, share, print, copy, past, select all, uploads, downloads, and workloads. Cubes, bland wallpaper, corner offices, tucked-in shirts and Monday through Fridays. 

       And aside from inanimate objects and in-office experiences, there then comes the bland, repetitive, annoyingly boring topics of conversation that these slaves to their wooden desk speak about. 

       The generic “How was your weekend?” with the overly used response “Too short.” Or talks about the 2 o’clock meeting, taking a “much needed vacation”, when the next holiday is, “Is it Friday yet?”, or the most annoying of all...the talks about the Goddamn weather. “It’s rainy,” “it’s cold,” “it’s hot,” “it’s windy,” “it’s muggy,” “it’s sunny,” “it’s gloomy”....It’s Goddamn annoying is what it is.

       I started calculating certain things time-wise as well. Trying to figure out how much of my fucking life I devote to this working situation. An average corporate American works the standard 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week. This turns to be 160 hours a month, which adds up to be 1920 hours a year, give or take a few holidays or vacation days. And now for the commute. As previously mentioned, I drive about a little over an hour to and from work which turns out to be over 2 hours a day, 10 hours a week, and 480 hours a year. Scary when you think about it huh? Unless you absolutely adore what you do, which many of us do not...this can be a very unsettling realization. I spend about 20 DAYS a year, just DRIVING to this place. Not only does this make me want to somehow purchase a jet pack, but it makes me want to find a new job. 

       I know I am a hard-worker, determined, and smart. I can do a lot of good things for a company...and I have for this one. It’s a good job and the paycheck is nice, but it’s hard when you’re working for the first year in the real world and you realize it isn’t the glitz and glamour you had imagined. I’m just hoping that as I become more successful and experienced, that I can find a job somewhere that I don’t have to be stuck at a desk for hours a day. No one went to college to get the “Office Desk” degree. I want to be out and about, meeting people and doing things. I studied Public Relations not fucking Cubicle Hell.

       Perhaps, this week was just a rough week at work. Oh well, this blog is for venting after-all. I shall utilize it for this purpose. I can only hope I can be one of those people that finds a job that allows for some excitement and creativity, because TPS Reports are not for me.
       ...Is it Friday yet?

Just Dive In

       The water looks calm, it’s relatively sunny out, and there is an amazing gift, first-place prize, best thing thats ever happened to you...waiting on the other side of this water. But you have no idea what creatures are lurking underneath or what they feed on, you don’t know how warm or cold the water will be, and you are certain you know how to swim, but last time you did you reached a point that you choked on water, barely could stay afloat, and nearly drowned to your death.....Would you take the plunge?

       I know not everyone may have a complex mind. Some people just go through the motions, not noticing too much, and can remain unstimulated by virtually everything. While others can think very deep into life’s big things and even it’s very minimal stuff. These people can analyze how a napkin sits in its holder, how the guy in the fedora at the next table at the coffee shop holds his morning brew (a double expresso with cream), and how many times the woman with the high-pitched voice in the next cubicle at the office has answered her phone in the last half hour.

       These people are very observant. They remember every word you said, they remember how you’re facial expression was last time you were telling them a funny story, they remember what shirt you had on when you came to pick them up for dinner, and they remember how raspy your voice sounded as you said goodnight to each other on the phone.

       This doesn’t seem to be a bad characteristic, trait, or skill to have...especially if you wanted to be a CIA agent or join your local police force. But in all seriousness, it can be a truly unique and amazing thing to have in your back pocket. 

       Unfortunately, this deep thinking, oddly amazing ability to remember things and true gift of analyzation....can be both a blessing and a curse. You can begin observing and analyzing your mind that is observing and analyzing, and things can get a little sticky. 

       In my experience with relationships, hearing my friends discuss theirs (yes, guys too), and in researching this very topic for this blog entry...I’ve concluded that some of us are 

allowing this trait to sometimes overcome ourselves and take hold of the reigns. Have we created a monster?

       When you are in serious relationship with someone and you are swimming in a sea of pure happiness, there may be a point that you reach where you look at yourself and you suddenly realize that your heart, your feelings, and your care...are no longer fully your own. You suddenly realize that you have taken your heart out, polished it up so it looks pretty, and put it on a silver platter with a bow on it and gladly handed it over to your special someone. Although this is a memorable and positive moment...for anyone who has been hurt in the past, or anyone who has this complex mind I speak of...this memorable, positive moment, can also be a bit scary. 

       And I honestly couldn’t pin-point the exact cause of this nervousness that people feel at that point. Sure, we can blame the ex-boyfriend for never valuing our ability to communicate, or blame the ex-girlfriend who never fully appreciated anything nice you did for her, and all the scars we all have from our past train wrecks. Or we can point the finger at all of our insecurities, whether it be with your physical attributes, your body image, your personality, your bad jokes or bad hair days, your lack of knowledge about a certain topic or lack of money, your family problems or your math problem solving. But can we really blame one thing? Is it a mixture? Or more horrifyingly...is it just us?

       I’d like to think there are reasonings behind this type of thing. And there more than likely are. Of course, we all love to say don’t let the past mold the present or the future. But hey, we can be completely moved on, happy and content with our current situation, and just be completely not in control of the fact that perhaps we might be a bit nervous. Nervous of someone seeing every tiny part of us inside and out, perhaps seeing ALL of our colors, and maybe not liking it. Nervous of getting hurt. And let me just let you all know. It’s okay! It is okay to be nervous about getting hurt. Shit, you just gave away the most valuable organ of your entire body and gave them the complete ability to either make it pump stronger and better than ever, or smash it into a million pieces....a reason to be a bit nervous, I’d say. 

       It perhaps is the riskiest part of a relationship. You plunge head first into something that is subject to change and does not come with a “Life-Time Warranty” sticker slapped on it. There is no relationship insurance, no back-up policy, no coverage. You are on your own. 

       Anyone who really, truly, deeply, cares about someone, is going to have a feeling here and there of worry...the worry of losing it.  Because most of us have lost something we cared about before, whether it be a relationship, a person, even your old dog from when you were little. And we know we don’t want to feel that ever again. So how do we stop our complex minds from over-analyzing it, observing a bit too closely, and drowning ourselves in our own mental pool? 

       Unfortunately, there is no cure. Although usually just a phase, this will just take some time and work on our personal growth. We have to just cut ourselves a break and realize that some people ARE good and will do right by you, and some people will love us for everything we are. Be confident in knowing that someone will love you for all your good and greatness, your hugs, your kisses, your ability to communicate, your appreciation, your laugh, your beauty...along with all your flaws, your bad hair days, your bad jokes, your hissy fits, your emotional times of the month, and they will truly obtain an appreciation for your unique, complex mind.

       Feelings, emotions, worries, nerves, anxiousness, possibilities, situations, anticipations, expectations, desires, wants, needs....ugh, it can all just be so much sometimes can’t it? But despite the complexity, not only of our minds, but of life, there is a place of simplicity. And thank God that there is. And the funny thing is, it’s usually that same relationship that brings you this simplicity, this happiness, and this wave of calm.

       Let’s not let our minds get the best of us. Sometimes you just have to ride the wave and confide in the fact that your experiences, knowledge, and trust in someone has brought you right to the place where you should be. Allow yourself to be okay with maybe getting hurt. Because maybe this one time, you won't be. Disappointment, hurt feelings, and broken hearts will be a possibility of nearly everything in life. So don’t let it take away even one minute of your happiness with someone. Especially someone amazing, someone who fought for you, and someone who has really exceeded all of your expectations and then some. If they were worthy enough to obtain your not-easily-accessed heart, if you had a huge smile on your face when you gave it to them after all you’ve been through...that should mean something right? ...Bottom line, they earned it.

       So if you’re at the waterway and on the other side is the possibility of even more happiness and greater things...without a doubt, take the plunge. Put on your best bathing suit and strap on some goggles. Leave the worry on the floor, take a few steps forward, take the deepest breathe in you’ve ever taken, one that makes your chest expand...and jump full force in. Because deep down you should know, if anything bad were to happen to you, if you ever needed help, if you needed someone to guard your life...they will be there to save you. 

       Sometimes you just have to dive in without knowing how deep shit is...

.....::::splash::::....