At 26 years of age, I have
recently reached an emotional epiphany.
Perhaps it's my age, perhaps it's my experiences I've accumulated along the way, perhaps it's been my maturity growth, or maybe my somewhat more recent happiness at work, at home, in my life...but I have reached this specific point of complete and utter appreciation for each experience that has come my way thus far.
Let me elaborate.
I, like we all have, have lost once-upon-a-time "best" friends, I've lost good acquaintances, I've lost touch with certain family members, on purpose. I've had relationships, once good...turn terribly sour, I've had complete strangers impact my life and I've had very meaningful people impact my life. I've had great friends who've stood by my side, I've had close family support me through tough times, I've fallen in love and held tightly to it. All these past and present interactions with people, whether good or bad, I could not be more grateful for each and every one of them.
I've lately been in a state of mind of genuinely feeling like I am in some sort of pursuit of happiness movie and everyone that has come, gone or stayed in my life has played a role. I realized as corny and cliche as it sounds, that life is awfully too short and certain
things should be said. I decided it was time to dust some cobwebs off
my past, and release the awkward elephants in some of the rooms that have been
lurking.
Although some of these past situations, awkward encounters, or simply just some "get it off your chest" type of feelings don't seem like much, they can mean a lot in the big scheme of your life. Whether it's an apology to someone you hurt, explaining to someone you stopped speaking to why it is you actually had to avoid them, telling someone how much you love them or telling someone why you don't appreciate something they have done to you.
Take a look at yourself, we have grown wiser and are getting older by the second. Why don’t we let those certain people know what has been on our mind? Why don’t we get some closure on certain things? Maybe it’s a pleasant phone call to an old friend you've lost touch with, maybe it’s to tell someone that they have hurt you and you wanted to make peace with finally letting them know. Perhaps it’s finally having enough gall to sincerely apologize to that person you completely screwed over, or something as little as a “hi” that you would have otherwise avoided due to a past factor.
And let me be clear, I don't mean to go call every ex-friend who dicked you over and curse them off, or reconnect with old lovers, or to go through your phonebook and contact every person you think you may have rubbed the wrong way at some point. I'm just saying if there are a couple things that have been lurking in your soul that YOU personally would benefit from, from doing or saying something about it so you can completely let go of any negative feelings and continue to move on with your current life...then by all means, do it. I know not everyone even has certain people that they would want to take this action on, not everyone has anything they need to make peace with (or maybe you already have made peace in your own way), not everyone has cobwebs to dust off, not everyone cares about things like this, and hey, not everyone is as emotionally-charged as me and may have their own view, method, or reasoning on things.
Here are some strides I've taken during this "movement":
I've maturely and politely reached out to someone who really hurt me years ago (and by really hurt, I don't mean she cancelled our lunch date) and we never made peace with it. It appeared after all these years, her way of "reaching out" was to Facebook friend me..which resulted in two separate occasions of clicking the "not now" button. So I gathered my brief thoughts and constructed a Facebook message to her and explained why I don't interact with her and actively avoid speaking to her. Although she never answered...that is more than okay. The point was to get that off my chest , let her know where I stand and to come to terms with what she had done to me. I am simply at peace with knowing that she now knows.
I've told someone I've known since I was little how much I used to care about them and am glad we can always be friends into our adult life, which is important to me. I also didn't forget to mention some of the not-so-nice things he did to me and some of the reasoning behind why we stopped speaking for a couple years a while back. Although he seemed caught off guard by my random heartfelt statement, he agreed. Also, later on I got the privilege of hearing him finally open up about all of it...and I think I helped him find closure on some things from the past (as did I). It was nice to see how much we've grown as people since our middle school days, to see him grow as a person, and to know that whether we speak often or not, that we will be in each other's lives.
I've made amends with someone I used to date. I dated this guy in college for a while but afterwards we moved on with our lives and had remained actual friends. I randomly called him and apologized for not only being a similar version of a Summer Finn, but for abruptly and actively ignoring him in my more adult life (give or take a few valid reasons). Nonetheless, he was appreciative I made the call and the smoke in the air was cleared.
I've told a couple of girl "friends" how I don't appreciate them not keeping in touch, not returning phone calls and not being an active friend. Hey, I know we are all busy but none of us are George Clooney. I think we can find some more time. Some understood this, others felt defensive. Either way, I don't give a shit. It needed to be said.
And as of most recently, I saw my ex-boyfriend at a bar playing with his band and instead of being immature and completely ignoring him (it's a small bar), I took it upon myself to include him in my "good job guys" speech I was giving his fellow band-mates (who I know). We exchanged some brief small talk amongst everyone and all seemed fine. It felt good to act normal. When his current girlfriend made it overly obvious she was not comfortable with me around, I personally went up to speak with her later on. I was not there to make anyone feel comfortable. I happily explained to her know how long ago that relationship was and how I am very happy in my current relationship and meant absolutely no harm. I went on to explain I was simply attempting to be polite/cordial/mature. She seemed grateful I even came up to briefly discuss this with her. I guess I’ll never know if as soon as I left she made fun of me or if she was appreciative that surprisingly, sometimes women CAN be mature in a situation where society forces you to "hate" on each other. Although obviously semi-awkward, I left that night content that I did the right thing...and more importantly, genuinely happy I could drive home and get into bed with the person that I know is right for me.
The point of this was that these very few things were like emotional acid that needed to be washed away. And although some people will appreciate it, agree, and be grateful...there will be others that may not respond, some that may not care, some that may not give you the responses you had hoped for or the courtesy to appreciate your efforts in general...and that is completely, 100% fine! The more important thing is that you have cleared your mind.
Since I am caring and emotional, whether I never even thought about them much, and although they aren't necessarily very important at all...now I have absolutely no lingering feeling about any of it nor will I in the future. People heard my thoughts and I let the "elephant in the room" out on certain things. I must say, I think the sole reason I felt I could do any of this was that I am so happy with my current life. Mainly I think it is the support I receive on a daily basis...not only from my close family, but my boyfriend, J. He has always supported me, embraces my emotional side and understands I am somewhat of a random person who sometimes needs to do weird things to better myself. Most importantly, I can talk to him and tell him about all of this. He appreciates me for me, and I think knowing that, it really allows me to free myself of any negativity that I can actively put to rest.
It's amazing how certain old friends (although you may or may not speak anymore) have helped shape your character and make you more you. How certain acquaintances you thought would never impact your life, could really do some damage or can do some real good for you, and how a current love can bring so much clarity as to why all the others didn't seem to work out.
Bottom line: Let go of old animosities, let go of feeling angry at people, let go of wondering why certain people may or may not have done the right thing, let go of why friendships or relationships didn't work out, let go of grudges, let go of anything that you may worry about, feel upset about, or wonder about. And if there's an awkward elephant in the room...certainly don't be afraid to address it.
Perhaps it's my age, perhaps it's my experiences I've accumulated along the way, perhaps it's been my maturity growth, or maybe my somewhat more recent happiness at work, at home, in my life...but I have reached this specific point of complete and utter appreciation for each experience that has come my way thus far.
Let me elaborate.
I, like we all have, have lost once-upon-a-time "best" friends, I've lost good acquaintances, I've lost touch with certain family members, on purpose. I've had relationships, once good...turn terribly sour, I've had complete strangers impact my life and I've had very meaningful people impact my life. I've had great friends who've stood by my side, I've had close family support me through tough times, I've fallen in love and held tightly to it. All these past and present interactions with people, whether good or bad, I could not be more grateful for each and every one of them.
I've lately been in a state of mind of genuinely feeling like I am in some sort of pursuit of happiness movie and everyone that has come, gone or stayed in my life has played a role. I realized as corny and cliche as it sounds, that life is awfully too short and certain
Although some of these past situations, awkward encounters, or simply just some "get it off your chest" type of feelings don't seem like much, they can mean a lot in the big scheme of your life. Whether it's an apology to someone you hurt, explaining to someone you stopped speaking to why it is you actually had to avoid them, telling someone how much you love them or telling someone why you don't appreciate something they have done to you.
Take a look at yourself, we have grown wiser and are getting older by the second. Why don’t we let those certain people know what has been on our mind? Why don’t we get some closure on certain things? Maybe it’s a pleasant phone call to an old friend you've lost touch with, maybe it’s to tell someone that they have hurt you and you wanted to make peace with finally letting them know. Perhaps it’s finally having enough gall to sincerely apologize to that person you completely screwed over, or something as little as a “hi” that you would have otherwise avoided due to a past factor.
And let me be clear, I don't mean to go call every ex-friend who dicked you over and curse them off, or reconnect with old lovers, or to go through your phonebook and contact every person you think you may have rubbed the wrong way at some point. I'm just saying if there are a couple things that have been lurking in your soul that YOU personally would benefit from, from doing or saying something about it so you can completely let go of any negative feelings and continue to move on with your current life...then by all means, do it. I know not everyone even has certain people that they would want to take this action on, not everyone has anything they need to make peace with (or maybe you already have made peace in your own way), not everyone has cobwebs to dust off, not everyone cares about things like this, and hey, not everyone is as emotionally-charged as me and may have their own view, method, or reasoning on things.
Here are some strides I've taken during this "movement":
I've maturely and politely reached out to someone who really hurt me years ago (and by really hurt, I don't mean she cancelled our lunch date) and we never made peace with it. It appeared after all these years, her way of "reaching out" was to Facebook friend me..which resulted in two separate occasions of clicking the "not now" button. So I gathered my brief thoughts and constructed a Facebook message to her and explained why I don't interact with her and actively avoid speaking to her. Although she never answered...that is more than okay. The point was to get that off my chest , let her know where I stand and to come to terms with what she had done to me. I am simply at peace with knowing that she now knows.
I've told someone I've known since I was little how much I used to care about them and am glad we can always be friends into our adult life, which is important to me. I also didn't forget to mention some of the not-so-nice things he did to me and some of the reasoning behind why we stopped speaking for a couple years a while back. Although he seemed caught off guard by my random heartfelt statement, he agreed. Also, later on I got the privilege of hearing him finally open up about all of it...and I think I helped him find closure on some things from the past (as did I). It was nice to see how much we've grown as people since our middle school days, to see him grow as a person, and to know that whether we speak often or not, that we will be in each other's lives.
I've made amends with someone I used to date. I dated this guy in college for a while but afterwards we moved on with our lives and had remained actual friends. I randomly called him and apologized for not only being a similar version of a Summer Finn, but for abruptly and actively ignoring him in my more adult life (give or take a few valid reasons). Nonetheless, he was appreciative I made the call and the smoke in the air was cleared.
I've told a couple of girl "friends" how I don't appreciate them not keeping in touch, not returning phone calls and not being an active friend. Hey, I know we are all busy but none of us are George Clooney. I think we can find some more time. Some understood this, others felt defensive. Either way, I don't give a shit. It needed to be said.
And as of most recently, I saw my ex-boyfriend at a bar playing with his band and instead of being immature and completely ignoring him (it's a small bar), I took it upon myself to include him in my "good job guys" speech I was giving his fellow band-mates (who I know). We exchanged some brief small talk amongst everyone and all seemed fine. It felt good to act normal. When his current girlfriend made it overly obvious she was not comfortable with me around, I personally went up to speak with her later on. I was not there to make anyone feel comfortable. I happily explained to her know how long ago that relationship was and how I am very happy in my current relationship and meant absolutely no harm. I went on to explain I was simply attempting to be polite/cordial/mature. She seemed grateful I even came up to briefly discuss this with her. I guess I’ll never know if as soon as I left she made fun of me or if she was appreciative that surprisingly, sometimes women CAN be mature in a situation where society forces you to "hate" on each other. Although obviously semi-awkward, I left that night content that I did the right thing...and more importantly, genuinely happy I could drive home and get into bed with the person that I know is right for me.
The point of this was that these very few things were like emotional acid that needed to be washed away. And although some people will appreciate it, agree, and be grateful...there will be others that may not respond, some that may not care, some that may not give you the responses you had hoped for or the courtesy to appreciate your efforts in general...and that is completely, 100% fine! The more important thing is that you have cleared your mind.
Since I am caring and emotional, whether I never even thought about them much, and although they aren't necessarily very important at all...now I have absolutely no lingering feeling about any of it nor will I in the future. People heard my thoughts and I let the "elephant in the room" out on certain things. I must say, I think the sole reason I felt I could do any of this was that I am so happy with my current life. Mainly I think it is the support I receive on a daily basis...not only from my close family, but my boyfriend, J. He has always supported me, embraces my emotional side and understands I am somewhat of a random person who sometimes needs to do weird things to better myself. Most importantly, I can talk to him and tell him about all of this. He appreciates me for me, and I think knowing that, it really allows me to free myself of any negativity that I can actively put to rest.
It's amazing how certain old friends (although you may or may not speak anymore) have helped shape your character and make you more you. How certain acquaintances you thought would never impact your life, could really do some damage or can do some real good for you, and how a current love can bring so much clarity as to why all the others didn't seem to work out.
Bottom line: Let go of old animosities, let go of feeling angry at people, let go of wondering why certain people may or may not have done the right thing, let go of why friendships or relationships didn't work out, let go of grudges, let go of anything that you may worry about, feel upset about, or wonder about. And if there's an awkward elephant in the room...certainly don't be afraid to address it.
