Toot Your Own Horn

       They say most people have a "mid-life crisis"...I say many people have a "beginning of life crisis."

       After graduating college I came back home to find myself worried about basically everything. I quickly realized that the blurry nights of drinking, fan-crazed football games, memorable late nights with friends, roaming the streets of West Virginia on a sunny weekend afternoon, and 2 AM Red Bull-induced public relation writing sessions...seemed to mask or distract me from the seriousness of life that I would come to realize on my arrival back home. As most of us know post-graduation, you begin looking for work, which in this climate can be as frustrating as finding a diamond in a bag of garbage. Once I did find a job I was thrilled with the notion of getting paid the most I've ever gotten paid at a job (obviously), and the company I landed a job with is a multi-billion dollar, fortune 500 company. Something to be proud of straight out of college, right?....I suppose.

       You start getting pay checks that you think are amazing. And rightfully so, they are. But I found myself obviously paying for EVERYTHING I do. My car insurance, my phone bill (that I constantly go over on), groceries, work clothes, going out, eating out, miscellaneous things I wanted like keeping up with my obsession with Nine West heels, my flat screen TV, my Macbook Pro, and the ultimate demon of my pocket...my college loans. 

       After one year into WVU and my dad paying for everything, I decided I wanted to and it would be best in the long run, to pay for the rest of college on my own. I'm hoping to God one day I'll feel like I did this all on my own and feel even more proud of myself.

       Next month will be my one year anniversary as a full-time, career-level, working woman. And last night I was discussing this on the phone with my best friend (who's also been working at a very prestigious company in NYC for over a year now) and we both realized we were having this "beginning of life crisis." I felt relieved to know that I was not alone in how I was feeling. We noticed that we were both comparing ourselves to other people that we shouldn't be, such as, people in higher positions in the workplace, people making more money, or people buying better things than us.

       And I find myself doing that recently. I want a better car, less loans to pay, more money in my savings account, nicer things, more gadgets and clothes and such. But why don't I stop and realize that I've barely been working ONE full year? How much do I really expect to happen in less than a year? Granted, I've always been an impatient person with things like this. And I find most people are. We want all of our dreams and hopes and expectations (and money)...well..now if possible please. But honestly, we must understand that it takes time to fulfill our dreams, to reach our goals, and accomplish our achievements, although we'd really love to snap our fingers and have it all in one clean swoop.

       Why do people (obviously myself included) focus so much on what they don't have over the things that they DO? Or why do people essentially forget their wonderful, notable, and great accomplishments and make themselves feel negative about the goals they haven't reached yet? Why don't we ever allow ourselves to toot our own horn anymore?

       TOOT TOOT! I mean look at me...I graduated from a well-known 4-year college that I absolutely loved, in a major I was actually really good at and fully enjoyed. I had great grades and made the Dean's List several semesters there. I was a member of the promotional team for the college radio station. I had a respected job at the state newspaper and had my articles on the front pages. I graduated college, with several very kind letters of recommendation, went on interviews by myself, studied and learned the process of finding a job...and found one within just a few months. And I was lucky enough to find one at a company people know and respect, that will look good on my resume for future career changes. My performance has been acknowledged at my job, which not everyone is fortunate enough to say. And yeah, it may not be a 6-figure salary, but I can pay all my bills, buy my work clothes, and pay for my groceries. I can treat my friends to drinks when I go out and not think twice about it. I can buy myself things I want and treat and pamper myself once in a while. Most importantly, I do not ask my parents for a dime for anything I do (and rightfully so, considering I'm 24 years old.) And not only am I working full time but I’m finally doing things I always wanted to do, like busting out these entries in my blog and writing and recording music. I mean, what the hell am I complaining about? If I only knew...

       I would say I have done a decent amount in one little year, so why do I do that to myself? And why do so many other people do it?...Why do we continue to compare ourselves to others more fortunate and quickly forget how fortunate WE are?

       Yes, it's human nature to continuously strive for better and want nicer things for your self and improve your life...but we must realize that there will ALWAYS be people with more than us. Now, are we going to continue to have thoughts about something that will inevitably, without fail, always leave us disappointed at our very own life situation?

       Keep in mind, there will always be someone better off than you...and let's not forget, there will also always be someone worse off than you. So how about we just stop the pondering, stop the comparisons, and be content with what we got going on right now?

       I will be the first to say, never stop bettering yourself or striving to improve your situation in life...but just don't forget to look back at the long dusty road you've just ridden on to get here and remember to give yourself some goddamn credit and smile.

       There's a quote a friend shared with me today that I truly loved and it proved to be very appropriate for this blog entry: "You're so mean, when you talk to yourself. Change the voices in your head...make them like you instead."

       And it couldn't hit more close to home on this topic. When did we stop encouraging ourselves and start being our worst critic? When did we forget how hard we have worked? When did we begin thinking we aren't good enough and forget how accomplished, intelligent, and great we truly are?

       And probably the most important question...When the hell did we stop being proud of ourselves?